sweet girl, how did it happen that five years flew so fast? you are in kindergarten now, and i just can't believe how you get more and more cool with each passing year. you really are the coolest. so warm hearted and confident. the perfect mix of sensitive and kick ass. silly and serious, smart and witty. each year, i come up with new words to describe you. the latest role you've taken on is that you are a big sister now, and just amazing at it. your natural instincts with shelby are so impressive. you are so nurturing. i guess you've learned a thing or two from all of your special baby dolls - cindy, cici (although, i don't know which one this is exactly -- it seems cici is the name that transfers to the babies you like for a few minutes each), and emma. you are quick to complete your tasks, and this past year in pre-k we often heard reference to you rushing through your work just to finish first. this has been you since you started to realize you liked to beat wyatt at any and everything you could. so, i am not surprised this is popping up at school too.

speaking of school, you started at a new one this year with wyatt. and the moment your daddy and i saw the classroom when we toured it, we knew this was your classroom. we saw the chickens, met flash, the classroom turtle and learned you'd be going on a field trip a month. you belonged in ms. ashmore's class and you are doing great. we're so proud of you. the way you write your little name melts me. your bestfriend mashita is in your class, and that came as the biggest and best surprise to us. when we decided to go the private school route, we had no idea your little bestie was on her way to the same school.

you started riding your bike full speed back in january when you saw wyatt get a shit ton of attention, and you learned how to swim this year when you needed to keep up with him, too. you are happy 99% of the time. you're getting a little tougher on us, but that usually only happens when you're tired. you still wake up early AF but it's getting better. you let me do your hair every morning while watching 'baby shows' on the ipad. the breakdowns aren't frequent and they don't last forever, but they are like a tornado when they show up. we all take cover and hide until it's passed. it's best for everyone.

you are still charming beyond belief, and if that doesn't catch the attention of anyone you make contact with first, it's your smile and your big heart. your hugs still rock, and you are desperate to keep us in your room at night for as long as possible. you pull out all of your charm, and you won't give up until you know we're about to lose our shit if you don't let us leave your room without a fight. you know your limits. you still start each day with daddy and a bowl of cereal. you have the most amazing sense of humor and lately what you tend to crack up at is shelby. there's something about her expressions, or her toots, that send you into an uproar of laughter. i want to never forget you laughing so hard when we did solids with her for the first time jus last week. she gagged, and you couldn't handle it. you were dying. you even said, "my heart is laughing so hard" and then you ended up with hiccups. she cracks you up.

you make us so happy, honey. you are the best. the best daughter. the best little sister to wyatt (still challenging him to the max). you are the best big sister to shelby (a total natural little mama). you love us with all you have. you live your life like i hope you always do - full speed ahead, hair blowing in the wind and always smiling.

happy 5th year beautiful, strong girl.

love,

mommy

Dear Summer - And just like that, you're 4.

Oh Summer, four years old?! I can't even begin to tell you how crazy it is for me to think about how quickly 1,500 + days have gone by and how much you've changed all of us for the better. I've been thinking a lot about what you and I have to look forward to together. The gratitude I feel having a daughter is hard to really put into words. You are absolutely everything I always wanted, and still you bring an element of surprise and delight into each and every day. 

The things that make you pure magic truly are endless. My most favorite things about you right now have a lot to do with your sense of humor, how affectionate you are, your confidence, your EQ, and your coordination. I used to tell Daddy when you were in my belly that you were most definitely going to have some of the traits I always wished I had. Let's just say, your blonde hair, olive skin, and athleticism did not come from me. Your confidence, your wit, and your EQ absolutely did. You are enough like me, and enough opposite that I see us complimenting each other more and more as you grow up. When we went to Hawaii a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but obsess over how perfectly suited you are for island life, and what I wouldn't have given to pull off all of your swim suits like you did.

You are such a little mama. You love playing babies with Wyatt, and school, and really anything that requires laying your babies and stuffies all over our upstairs. Each of them always perfectly prepared with blankies for nap time. You are very intuitive and affectionate. Earlier this summer, I fell at Auntie's house, on the stairs, and it hurt so bad. #embarrassing You knew it hurt me, and you could not have been more adorable. Your sweetness distracted me from the pain and you quickly came to my aide. Earlier this year, we watched your birth slide show, and you got emotional watching it with me - even before I did. I looked down at you when we got to the picture when I was pushing and you looked up at me with these giant tears on the cusp of your little tear ducts. "I hurt you, Mommy?" My heart just about exploded. I was surprised you caught on. Your tears were contagious. For as confident and strong-willed as you are, you're damn sensitive. You are going to do something pretty great with this life of yours. I feel it in my bones. You have a light, honey. And I will make it my job to ensure it never ever dims. I am committed to ensuring it just gets brighter and brighter and brighter. We're all so lucky to be near you. 

As for some other things you're up to these days - you are a swimmer now, you have become a lot more patient with me to do your hair, and you continue to do most things on your own. You get dressed, you wipe your own butt (eh hem, Wyatt?), you make your bed, you get your own water, snacks, and you know how to turn Netflix on. Get it, girl. Sleeping in past 6AM is getting... better, I think. You'll have to ask Daddy because I have finally learned how to sleep through your wake up calls. #onlytook4years #tablesturneddaddy

You are such a great little sister. You and Wyatt are incredibly close. A lot of that has to do with how patient you are, and how eager you are to learn from him. You're a little competitive for his liking, but I love watching you keep him on his toes. We decided to stick you in Pre-K this year, just as Wyatt started Kindergarten. We became super excited about keeping you both close in grades - a year apart means you'll always watch out for each other. 

I have to insert this story really fast. About 15 minutes ago, Wyatt wasn't very nice to you. I sent him to his room and told him he could come back out in 5 minutes as long as he was ready to say sorry to you. He popped down after just about 5 minutes, said he was sorry and walked over to me. I hugged him and told him I was proud of him for doing exactly what I asked him to do. His response? "I came back down and said I was sorry to Summer because I have to go poop." #normalday About 2 minutes ago you asked him to help you make something on your white board. He did, then he encouraged you to try yourself. When you put your work down, Wyatt immediately came to it's defense. "Summer, it's a really good fishy." You root each other on, and it's in these moments, the ones where you think we aren't watching, that we know we're doing something right.

We love watching you learn new things, and continue to find your voice. And build on your confidence. You constantly make us smile, and laugh. Oh, the laughter that's in this house because of you. I think the best quality about you is that you never, ever, ever, take yourself too seriously. You always find it in yourself to laugh and be silly. Nothing beats sharing in something funny with you. It is the absolute best getting the giggles with you. Happy 4th Year my sweet, giant-hearted, strong, smart, inclusive, competitive, feisty girl. Please never stop giving us a run for our money, and inspiring me to be my best so you'll do the same.

Love Always,

Mama

happy 2nd birthday, summer love.

oh honey, you're two. two. two. it's been so long since i've written a post - not because these aren't important to me, but because it's been a whirlwind adventure around here. we've done so much in the last year - built a house, sold a house, moved, had a super fun and HOT summer, and as of today, you started at a new school with your brother. life is really good, my love.

you are seriously fantastic. you are small and strong. so tough. you put up and keep up with your big brother constantly. you're talking and almost saying more than a couple of words at a time. some of my favorites - "me now?" "me go?" "da-eee go?" "here y'g!o!"

your hair. it's growing, and blowing sweet cheeks. you've got the best side bangs going on, and as of this week, we're able to do pig tails. you rock these bows too - it's really too much. your smile. it's contagious. you have the most amazing face. so bright, and full of life. you are a constant reminder of independence. you always want to try something on your own. whatever it is - the stairs, washing hands, putting on your shoes, taking off your clothes, trying on every skirt in your drawer. you will do it on your own.

peeeeees? this is what you say whenever you think someone has to or is going to the bathroom. you try to go, always without luck - but the effort is adorable.

you do a lot of hugging and kissing - whenever i leave in the morning you give me a (few several) kisses on the lips (like, really good smooches) and a hug (a super burly one -- very tight squeeze) and a rigorous couple dozen waves goodbye. it's perfect. you always hug wyatt goodnight now, and it's kind of a game - you'll run the hallway between your room and his and hug and kiss him. i love when i get to put you down (daddy usually wins if he's home). we'll sing "wheels on the bus", and before i even get to "round and round" you stop me - "noooo" and ask me to sing "twinkle twinkle". i usually crawl down to where you are laying and pretend to kiss you through the bars of your crib and you hysterically laugh. there must be something about seeing me that way. you love it. i know you have your own little night night routine with your daddy too.

speaking of daddy. hello, obsessed. you really are. he is your dude. "my da-eee" comes out a lot. i joke sometimes that it hurts my feelings that you don't love me as much, but the reality is i wouldn't have it any other way. i love that you have such a special bond with him. it's all i ever really wanted for you both. he'd do anything for you. it's so so so important that you know how to be loved by a man. this, my love, is it. unconditional, everything, love.

you are cool. i was talking to gramma the other night and this is how i explained you. you're just cool. you are confident, and funny, and so incredibly smart. you'll try anything for a laugh, and have an infectious sense of humor. you stick up for yourself, tough cookie. never ever, ever stop.

your birthday snuck up on me this year. another year passed so fast. and sometimes i catch myself thinking - you're ONLY two? not just because you're so ahead of the curve (no bias here), but because it's so hard for me to think you've only been here with us two years. you are what i always imagined for our family. i look back on all of my earlier posts about you and to you, and it's so funny to read them - despite barely knowing you then, it's like you've always been the person you are today. even as a toothless, bald, mute, infant.

happiest of birthdays, summer james. until next year. because 3 rocks (and kills). just ask your brother.

love,

mommy

happy 1st birthday, summer girl

dear summer,

you are one, sweet girl. and wow, you get more amazing by the day. it's been almost two months since your birthday - i'm a little behind on writing to you and telling you how much i love and adore you. you're pretty damn wonderful. funny, silly, bright, beautiful, sassy, independent, and opinionated. you're a daddy's girl to the core, and if i am being honest, that makes me jealous. not all the time, but sometimes. i kind of wish you would pick me over him a little more. the only time i am picked over him is when you and i are home alone. even then, you look around the room for him, peeking around corners, anticipating his arrival. as much as i get jealous, i am so grateful for the amazing bond you both have. you are aware of his love and adoration for you, and you are hungry for it. exactly how it should be. he's the one that has and will continue to show you your worth. he's the one that will teach you what you deserve and he's the one you will look to as the example of love. that is the most amazing part of the father-daughter relationship.

you're about two weeks into walking, and we're so proud of you. you're doing so great. keeping up with your brother, bracing yourself at his every sudden and drastic move towards you. you're such a good sport. i love when i catch you scream out even before he does anything but you know he's about to tackle you. you've been conditioned by him right from the start. you both are getting very good at playing together. for about 5 minute stretches at a time. usually each 5 minute interval is interrupted when wyatt "hugs" you, aka squeezes you so hard you can't breath. or when he knocks you down, or steals a toy from you. "mine" is a word you hear a lot.

speaking of words. you don't say any. you babble a little bit, but nothing definite. daddy swears you say his name, but i am in denial over that one. we're waiting for that first word. or apparently only i am.

we love you because you complete our family. us. me. we love you because you will try anything once, you're brave, patient, happy, the light of this place. your smile is the best physical trait about you, along with your adorable gramma butt. you are strong-willed. you'll always be that way. you don't sleep past 6am most days. and daddy is the one that gets up with you most days. i figure he's your favorite anyway, so why not. kidding. kind of. you prefer veggies over fruits, especially green beans and carrots. you eat about 100 pouches a week, and love garden burgers, black bean anything, and macaroni. when you take a drink of water, or when you see someone else take a drink of anything you say, "ahhh." as if it's the most refreshing thing you've experienced. wait, could that be your first "word"?!

your little core self is developing. you are you. and we'll always encourage and teach you to be the very best version of yourself.

happy birthday summer james, our littlest love. you've captured our hearts and have made this year a year we'll never ever forget.

love,

mama

dear summer // 9 month letter

hi my sweet little love muffin. you are 9.5 months and holy crap, you're fun.

you are crawling, and clapping, and laughing, and shouting…. and simply a joy to be around. we are absolutely 100,000,000% in love with you. obsessed with your every move, your every smile. you are on the move, sister. pulling yourself up, cruising (a bit) and showing off those 4 hilarious little teeth every chance you get.

we. can't. get. enough. happy 9 months to you, our precious little chick.

love you, to all of the moons and back.

your mama.

dear summie // 8 months

dear little one, growing into quite the big one right before our eyes.

you're 8 months and wow. that month flew. you are amazing. here's all the fun things you're doing now:

• finally eating foods. this totally kicked into high gear about 5 days before your 8 month birthday last week. your faves so far - watermelon, peas, black beans, cheese, and veggie purees (squash, chicken dinner, green beans, peas). you aren't super into the fruit purees yet. (silly me, why would i think you were into sweets!?) you'll eat the puffs to start, then we'll just pile food on your plate and see what you go for. you did pretty good with cottage cheese tonight too. oh yah, and duh - yogurt. that's how i started figuring you out. you took a bite of my yogurt while in your bouncy and i swear you looked at me like i had been holding out on you for way too long. the same thing happened when i gave you green beans the next day. sorry kid. you like eating apples in your little mesh pouches too. i give you anything to try for the most part. the whole, wait three days for an allergic reaction thing doesn't really fly around here. 
• you've got teeth - your two bottoms popped this month. so cute. and sharp. ouch. you get my drift. 
• you love attention - you have to be noticed. 
• you are silly, and happy and have the most contagious little scrappy chuckle. the best. 
• you have an official lovie. it's one of those little giraffe blankets. i don't think it's ever been washed. (that has to change. wow.) 
• your hair grows up. it's fluffy and light and whispy and a bit frizzy. shocker. 
• the outdoors are your friend. we've had sunny weather lately and you are laid back and entertained out there, just watching the other kids run and play. love this about you. 
• you are so very close to crawling my love. so close. up on all fours the last few days, rocking that tush like crazy. any day now, our life is going to get a hell of a lot nuttier, and kiddie proofed. 
• you do not like the easter bunny. 
• or bananas.
• or being forced to stay on your back for diaper changes, or monthly photo shoots. 
• you are a good shopping buddy. 
• screaming (for fun and attention) seems to be your preferred communication mechanism. (not ours, for the record.) 
• you are still nursing and i'm still loving it. minus the random bites that always scare the crap out of me - you're so deliberate when you do it… it's like you are checking to see if i am awake or something. i told you "no" the other day and you started crying, pretty much like you knew what just went down - gave me a little glimpse into our future girlfriend.

of all things, you're continuing to live up to your name. you're easy. breezy. and warm. you're cool. and fun. and just plain sunny and beautiful.

happy 8 months little munchkin.

your mama.

dear summer // 7 month letter

hands down, my favorite month so far. weird.

you are expressive, and your voice is heard my love. you are so much more vocal now. as i sit here with you (and your budding teeth), you are squealing at me to look at you - even if it's just for a split second. you want attention. you want to be noticed. you love to be loved. you are smiley and silly. you giggle. you love your family. you definitely know your people, but you don't take too long to warm up to new faces. you use your hands. a lot. you love to feel new textures, and faces, and my hair. your clammy little fingers always seem to find my hair. i totally get women that get the mom-cut now. 

you grab, you sit, you roll (and roll and roll) and you kill me your big wide open mouthed grin. and the dimple. don't even get me started on your single cheeked dimple. 

here's what you don't do… you don't eat solids. you don't like bananas. or carrots, or apples. you don't sleep through the night. you don't skip a meal. you don't like to do the same thing for too long. you don't like being smothered by your brother, and you definitely don't like being ignored. 

you love your daddy, and his raspberry kisses on your belly. you love watching people clap and sing and run and be silly. you often glue your eyes to the puppies, desperate for them to walk close to you. you love the outdoors - and the two days in the last week that we've had a peek into some spring time weather, you've loved being outside in the ergo. 

the sitting up thing has been a total game changer around here. so so so glad to be in this phase where you can be planted down squarely on your tush and you stay there. i know it's going to be very short lived so i am eating it up. you will be up in everyone's mix in no time. your brother seriously is clueless. his world is about to change. the grabbing will quickly seep into the world that is wyatt. give him a run for his money girlfriend. 

you're everything and anything i ever hoped to have in a little girl. i'm loving every second of your perfect life. you have some big plans ahead. you are going to go places, kid. that smile is going to change more lives than you know. 

love love love, 

your obsessed mama.

dear summer // 6 months // happy 1/2 birthday!

well here we are again… another month has gone by and i continue to be amazed by you. i see glimpses into your future, sweet girl. you are pretty special. still so happy, so fun, so easy. the 6 month switch literally went off the morning you were officially 6 months old. you slept. like through the night. what a dream. and you've continued to pretty damn good every since. you're in a sleep sack now which i think is helping. we ditched the magic sleep suit, which i will say, did incredible with the transition from the swaddle. but you're ready to move and roll and get cozy on your side with your lovie. which i adore seeing you do on the monitor. i am always so proud of you when you get into a position and fall back to sleep without your binkie. i want to run in there and high five you the second you get up from a nap when you put yourself to sleep like a big girl.

you're still a nursing champ. i never want to stop nursing you. i am going to drag this on as long as i possibly can. not to "stand on a stool" extremes, but you know - maybe past the 1 year mark if we can. you are just so fun to cozy up to. you definitely are different than your bro was with the ol' boob. you don't just want to nurse to eat. you like to do it just to get cozy, or spend time with me. it's been a little tricky going back to work as i have a hard time pumping there if i know i have a ton to do. the wed/thur back to back work day can be tough, then by sunday we're back on track and i'm not making up my milk supply anymore.

we had a scare last week - without going into a crazy amount of detail, you got what's called nursemaid's elbow. holy crap - scary. but so not that big of a deal now that we know what happened. i'm sure it will happen again. we're ready for it now that we know what to expect, and that in fact it's super common and totally fixable!

you are one happy chick. good god, i want what you're having most days. the ease of your personality is something to envy girlfriend. i think i'm going to learn a lot from you. like to enjoy my surroundings, find joy in the simple things, and to smile often. you are gorgeous. like stunning, honey. your lashes are to die for. you have the most amazing eye brows. great skin tone, perfect cheeks, a beautiful dimple, and a contagious smile. i love every single thing about you. your smell, the way you always like to touch things with your finger tips, how you flick my skin when i hold you, the sweatiness of your little palms and feet. you love having something to touch when you nurse/fall asleep. your little giraffe lovie is a fast fave. you have three of them, but there's already one that is the leader of the pack. i can already see into the future - it's going to be your raggedy, smelly, can't leave home without it, lovie.

you are perfection in this tiny little person's bod. chunky thighs, sweet cheeks, and one hell of a high butt crack. #sorrynotsorry.

love you to infinity and back sissy boo boo.

your mama.

dear sj // 5 month letter

sj, sissy poo - you're 5 months today. 

right now, you're bouncing in your jungle bouncer, talking away to the little flappy birds that hang over your head. your focused little expression is so funny. you purse out those little lips of yours, grabbing away at the toys and rattles. you're starting to figure out that when you bounce it plays music. your toes touch the ground just barely, but it's just enough for you to push yourself up and move around in there. you are starting to really learn how to put things into your mouth and entertain yourself by pulling your binky in and out. these probably all sound like such boring things to you. but i'm amazed at how quickly you little babes grow up. how much you learn, how fast you pick up on new little tricks. you can grab your feet now, but i notice you only do it when you have no clothes on. naturally. you squeal and laugh often. you shout to get attention - it cracks me up. you are more and more entertained by your brother by the day. i cross my fingers that he doesn't hurt you as you he creeps his way closer saying, "hi baby. hi. hi baby. hi summer. hi. hi. hi baby." he's obsessed. he loves you and despises you in the same second sometimes. don't take it personal. it won't last forever. 

you're full of life already. such a fun personality. so open, friendly, happy, and warm. i continue to notice how frigging happy you are. you aren't going to be a boring kiddo, that's for sure. i can already see your little sense of humor popping through. you are going to be silly. i can tell. 

sometimes i worry about you. not for any real reason other than i'd die without you. us mamas (and daddys) worry more than we'd like sometimes. every scary story on the news of something that happened to a little babe, every weird sounding cough, or any image of something bad happening to you. we are just so blessed to have two healthy babes, and i realize often that everyone isn't so lucky. i never want to take our health for granted. 

you are amazing. today, tomorrow, always. 

love,

mama.

dear summer // 4 month letter

hi sunshine girl - you are already 4 months old. dying here. seriously. how in the heck has time sped up so significantly since you arrived, my love?

i am sorry that my letters to you sound so redundant. i love you so much, i really need a new word for love. and for obsessed. and for lucky. i need a new phrase for "dream come true".

you had your check up a few days ago - 14 lbs, 2 oz - 80th percentile on length, 52nd for weight, and 48th for head. still taking after me in the pin-head department. your sleeping… better. that's all i will say. you're in the magic sleep suit, which is a crack up and a half. you smile all. the. time. still. never stop, please? the dimple is going to get you so far in life, i promise you that. (obligatory insert: you're brain will too - that also matters.) you love your hands, and you still always seem to find that thumb of yours. you chatter a ton. you're showing no signs of rolling over any time soon. you like to be upright, watching and snooping at everything around you. you seem to be more patient with your crazy brother, as he learns to be less of a head butter. good times. you two had your first interaction a couple of nights ago while he was in the tub. you were smiling at each other, and laughing and it was a glimpse into the future. it made my heart sing. i literally felt it do a triple axle in my chest when it happened. the first of many times i stop to engrain a memory of you two into my brain so that i never ever forget it. one of those moments i will flash to when you both are older, with littles of your own. it was a flash of the special relationship you both will have as you grow together.

you filled a gaping hole in my heart the moment i saw you. and you continue to make me better, stronger, happier, and more focused then i've ever been. you, my girl, came right when i needed you most.

happy 4 months to you. and to us, the family i always imagined i'd be so lucky to have.

love times infinity,

your mama.

dear sj >> 3 months flew

hi my sweet - holy smokes, did three months fly by. you are a dream come true, that is for sure.

my biggest takeaway from your third month is that you are such a happy baby. you smile constantly. you cry too, but you smile more than your brother did at this age. wyatt's expression of choice was scowl most of his first 4 months. you on the other hand, light us up with dimple filled grins. i still love wearing you. you fight me sometimes, but once i get you in a position where you can still watch what's going on around you, and fall asleep on your own terms, we're usually good to go.

we had our first plane trip together this month, and you did awesome. we went to visit the bowen's in KC and it was so much fun. you proved to be a resilient little thing. thank you for that. the plane trips, the time change, the new environment, and screaming toddlers on our flight home - you rocked it, girl.

your perfect. we love you more than words could ever tell you. i'm going to spend the rest of my life doing all i can to show you. and maybe in return, you'll let me put mascara on these lashes someday.

dear sj >> a look back to your birthday

hello my girl.

we just received all of the images from your birthday. there are so so so many that i love, but want to share a few here that are especially special to me. (jessica at one tree did a post and put together the most amazing slide/video show of this amazing day here as well.) i want you to know what i love most about the images that capture just how special your entrance into this world really was. i love having these for so many reasons but most of all, i can't wait until the day you see these, really see these, and know just how hard i worked to get you here. it was worth all of the struggle you might see, because sweet girl, your birth was everything it was supposed to be.

(you can double click on the image to see it larger if you'd like)

i love everything about the birth center where you were born. i love the way it smells when you walk in, the comfort of the lobby, the feeling of family that wraps around you the moment you sit down for an appointment. the first thing i did when i got to one of our appointments was take my shoes off and curl my feet under me on chris' couch. it's warm there. the picture of me above in the tub, with the candles behind me and reflecting on the tub reminds me of just how warm i felt on your birthday. the love and the light in that room was perfection.

i love every picture of your daddy. this one especially because i know how hard this part was on me - but this picture tells me just how hard it was on your sweet daddy too. at one point i snapped at him as i panicked my way through a contraction. the poor guy. but he stuck with me - like he always has and will. he let me squeeze his hand so tightly i hurt myself as i gripped it. he would squeeze my hand back, and it was the gesture i needed from him - the one that told me i was doing a good job and that i could do it. that i was doing it and that he was right there with me.

i love the pictures of your gramma and i. i know from last time, just how hard this was for her to watch when wyatt was born. she was so much stronger this time. she was strong for me. she knew i could do it when i doubted myself the most. she held my hand with both hands - and i always knew when it was her holding my hand. she's held my hand my whole life. i am always comforted by her sweet touch - she's my mama. i especially love this picture because i look like such a little girl, so it's fitting that it's her looking over me. she looks so confident here. she isn't worried, or scared. she believes in me.

just two weeks prior, your auntie and i were in the same place, just opposite positions. i watched as she brought sweet tate tate bean into the world. he slept in his little bouncy just feet away while she comforted me and cheered me on. i couldn't have done it without her and looking back now, i should have known it would work out the way it did all along. of course we'd have you two kiddos exactly two weeks apart - just the right amount of time we needed in between these two incredibly special and emotional events.

my daddy. he made it. the look on his face in this picture really says it all. he's so proud to be there. he's so happy. his presence was exactly the motivation i needed to get me to home plate. i will absolutely never forget the relief i felt the moment i heard my mom tell me he was there. definitely one of the best moments of my life, period.

kristin - my absolutely amazing doula. holy shit. what would i have done without her? i love this picture so so so much. she loves you sweet girl - she is an absolute angel. she pretty much rocks at her job, plain and simple. i hope she's still doing this when it's your turn chick. i really can't find the words to describe what this woman means to me. hands down, the best investment i've ever made because in the end, she wasn't "just a doula" - she's a lifelong friend. you will know this amazing woman.

chris, our midwife, has the softest hands. i mean, really - again, with the warmth in this place, she's the reason why. i remember this moment all too well. i was at the height of my panicked state here. i was in the most uncomfortable position i had been in. and i was scared. the heat of her hand shot through me. it reminded me that i wasn't alone and when i saw that jessica captured this i think i lost my breath. chris was there for wyatt's birth and she made a point to be there for yours. we were so lucky to have her because chick, this team of ours was irreplaceable.

i love that jessica captured our early moments together without me even realizing she was there. i don't know how she did it, but she did. i love this one so much. you felt so tiny, and you were the best distraction for me in this moment as i was getting "stitched up" and it was anything but cozy until i had you in my arms again.

these pictures of the four of us in the bed - you and me, auntie and tate. we had talked about this moment for many months - 9 to be exact. who would go into labor first, what would you two sweet babes look like, what would it feel like to each have you in our arms knowing that labor was over and together we could step into this next phase together? this was it. we were both done. we both did it. you were both here. it was the best feeling in the world to know that the moments we had talked about and dreamed about were here and we were still us - silly and happy. mamas. proud mamas.

sweetest girl - your birthday was so special. it was perfect. just like you are. thank you for making me work hard for you, for setting the stage for one of the best relationships i'll ever have.

dear summer >> happy 2 months sis!

well, littlest love - you're already two months old and i could swear it was just yesterday that you joined our family. i just got all of your birthday images so i'm working on a post now to share more of those.

our second month together was obviously even better than our first. you continue to be more engaging and the smiles are such a fun surprise. your bro was so serious when he was a little nug. you are this little twinkling star. even in the middle of the night, when i am blearly eyed and doing my best to not be annoyed with the very short spurt of sleep i just experienced, you flash a grin (or 10) at me as i reswaddle you. it is impossible to be annoyed when i see that sweet dimple.  you are a charmer - i know i am dead. you're dad is even worse off. he is so tightly wound around your finger already. i am scared for what's to come. please don't come downstairs in cut off shorts about the size of your undies and a cropped top on. you'll break him.

you and wyatt are continuing to get to know each other. i hold my breath less and less when you two "interact" and you're doing better too - you tend to tense up and freak out when you hear his voice, especially when you nurse. poor girl. yesterday was the first day you ate downstairs while he was only feet away from you! things are looking up.

you took a bottle a couple of weeks ago - you're growing up so fast honey buns. i am already loving every stage. i am looking forward to the stage where you sleep through the night. any day now my love. pretty please? i am definitely having fun with all of the girly things i get to do with you - the accessories especially. loving you in headbands - and each day i learn more about your "style". what i like on you, what your daddy likes. it's fuuuuuun!

you have changed so much since your last monthly shot. you're rollier, and have many more expressions! i am hoping you are animated like your mama. i am dying to see more of your sweet and funny personality. you still have your hilarious cheesy smile, just like you shared with us last month:

you're a gift my love. everyday is like christmas with you. you are a wish granted.

we love you more than rainbows.

love,

your mama.

dear summer >> happy one month, toots!

hi sweet girl - you are already one month, and i am dying over how quickly it's gone by. wowza. you are  growing so much everyday. there are so many things about this last month i want to cherish and remember for ever.

you're smiles. dang girl - you started stealing hearts with these bad boys super early but now it seems like you smile on command. it can't be gas. you are a happy baby and you started letting the world know about 2 weeks ago!

you are so easy to calm. of course you have your moments but for the most part, as long as you are swaddled and being shushed, you stop crying and conk out. you definitely like to be upright. you are bright eyed and observant.

you might just end up to be a thumbsucker. you have found it a few times, and i feel like you find your hands and fingers pretty quickly for being so little.

i'm loving how quickly you are chunking up. your little legs are getting rolly and your arms are just like mine were when i was a babe.

you are a mama's girl. of course you love your daddy, but i love these early days because i have the boobs and i know you always want to be around me. i will take it because i know some day, when you are older you will want me out of your business. not so fast sweet girl, mama is here to stay! i can't wait to remind both you and your big brother how much you loved my boobs when you were babies. kidding. kind of. i might have to whip that out for a reaction some day around your friends if you are pushing my buttons!

your sweet soft little perfect head is something i want to cherish forever. i love how soft and warm it always seems to be. the fuzziness of your hair and how you love to be soothed when i brush your hair forward with my hands, or brush over your brows and nose to get you to fall asleep.

i love your linty fingers. not sure why, but guessing it has a lot to do with my picking infatuation. i can pick your linty fingers and know i am not hurting you!

i never want to forget your serious poop face. and the fact that you work pretty hard to "bear down" to get everything out. you definitely don't have any problems in the "poop up my back and into my hair line" department. you go girl.

i love that you aren't a projectile barfer. at least for the most part. we've only had a few explosions and honestly i think it's a number two thing. i have learned to not overfeed my baby and i don't forget to burp you like i might have done with your brother. learning everyday here.

mostly, i just love you and your sweet presence in our family. knowing that you're ours and having so much to look forward to as you continue to grow and learn makes my heart full. you are amazing and beautiful. perfect in every way. you complete our family and even after only a month, it's like you've always been here.

love you little girl. we'll keep you.

your mama.

dear summer >> 10 days in

dear summer girl,

where do i even start? you are a dream come true. the sweetest girl. the most beautiful daughter. we are beyond lucky, blessed, and all the words synonymous with those. ten days in, my heart has quadrupled in size - for your daddy, your sweet brother, and of course for you.

you've been such a trooper these first few days out of the womb. it's noisy here, i know. you don't have the layers between you and this crazy house anymore, so i am sure it's been a tad overwhelming. we've got the obvious - wyatt, but then the pups, the clangs of thrown cars, uh-oh yells, frustrated toddler screams, dropped sippy cups, etc. you flinch at times, but mostly do your best to roll with the punches - sometimes literally. wyatt loves you already, he just has a tough time showing it. i know you two are going to be the best of friends someday, but right now, i am starting to wish you were born with a helmet.

you are quite the little nurser. wow, how did i get so lucky. i keep telling myself that 1. your brother was a challenge when it came to nursing and 2. my pregnancy with you was not a walk in the park so i must have earned some points there and have redeemed them in the nursing department this go round. you were a natural right from the get go. it's almost as if it was a natural instinct or something. :)

the same can be said for the sleep department. on day three you gave me my first 4 hour stretch. i've had at least a 4-5 hour stretch each night, until last night. i will take it. you are such a great sleeper. i owe you kid. thank you, thank you, thank you!

you look great in green. like, really great. it's your color, girl! of course you look fantastic in pink too, but you were born with this amazingly sweet olive skin. i could eat you. perfect skin, awesome lashes, blue eyes, you name it. perfection. i am of course your mama, and a lot bias.

we swaddle you a lot because you seem to like being burritoed up. you also seem to really like your wrap. another win! this helps a lot being the second kiddo, let me tell you. being arms free with a toddler is pretty much a must.

you seem to really love your crib, which i love because you look so dang cute and small in it. your room is so happy. i love spending time in there each day. i'm glad we went with the pink/white/gold theme. it works for you and your already developing personality!

we had your first ped appointment this week, and you're growing so much. at birth, you were albs 8.5 oz and 21 inches long. at your appointment yesterday, you were 8lbs 10oz and 21.25in long. growing girl! we also had our first family photo shoot this week and you did so awesome. we were so proud of you! 5 hours of picture taking!

it's been the most amazing 10 days. definitely challenging at times, but every day gets easier (mostly) and our love for you just gets bigger and bigger. you are the sweetest little lady. everything about you is yummy. even those mustard poops! :)

its time for you and i to get ready for bed. this consists of a diaper change, a good feeding, and a tight swaddle. here's hoping for at least three hours my love.

sleep tight angel,

your mama loves you.

Summer's Birth Story

the week leading up to where i believe this story starts could be a story in itself. if i were to write it, it would be called "being overdue sucks a fat one". but at the end of the day, none of that really matters. well, it kinda does. here's the thing about it, you know that your due date is an estimated date, based off a calculation people have used for years. but when that day approached, then passed, i felt this weird pressure to perform. like, in some way, i had control over it. people with amazing intent would check in, asking how i was feeling, if i needed anything, or my personal favorite - "where is that baby?". i knew right where she was. low, low, low in my hoo hoo. a constant, anything but cozy reminder of the road ahead. the difference with this pregnancy (one of the few trillion) was that last time i never really made it to "being done" mentally, or physically. i had added on another 2 weeks to my EDD and was OK with that. then, i was shocked when my water broke 6 days early. i never had to deal with the check in's, the pressure of being over due, or the emotional roller coaster of it all. that had a not so awesome impact on me - which of course impacted everyone around me. fun for them.

on monday, our 41 week mark, i finally woke to a sign. she was on her way. effing finally, i thought, as i glanced down at my morning pee to see a tinge of pink. holy hell, i thought, when i did a little wipearoo to see even more "evidence" on the toilet paper. i was relieved. and a little freaked out. i walked back to our bed, just as i had every day the past week, greeted with ty asking me how i was doing. each morning up until today, i'd say something along the lines of "welp, guess we got another full nights sleep". not today. "i'm bleeding a bit. things are finally happening." he was just as relieved as i was. finally, progress. the walk the night before paid off.

feel free to skip the next several paragraphs if you want to just cut to the chase of this story...

i was supposed to go to a 41 week ultrasound that day, and per this post, you can all imagine how NOT excited i was about it. i waited an hour or so and called our birth center pager line to leave a message asking if i should still go. when chris called back, she said it was totally up to me but she'd like to see what happens here first. she was comfortable with me going another few days over should we not be seeing my bloody show kicking into gear. my MIL, voni, was already on her way over so ty and i decided we wouldn't say anything specifically about seeing action, but instead would let her know our midwife suggested we give it a few more days before going to the ultrasound. i went on a long walk, visited with the stookey's and met my best girl and tate tate bean for lunch at purple cafe. it was surreal. i figured it was my last day of "that life" before my new one started, but at the same time i still felt like i was going to be pregnant forever.

that evening, contractions were sporadic and light. i went on another walk. two walks alone in one day was really good for me. we had amazing weather. it was a beautiful night. i came home, sat on my ball for a bit, and watched the bachelorette finale with ty. contractions started having a rhythm about this time - lasting about 1 minute and coming every 10 minutes on the nose. i loved that our evening was spent together watching this redic show. it was distracting and fun. ty and i were light hearted about the whole thing. i'd randomly blurt out, "are you ready to meet your daughter?!" or "this is about to get real!" or "seriously, are you ready to watch this all go down again, babe!?" by 11pm, they were a bit more uncomfortable - i'd have to pop up out of bed and stand through them. we went to bed and i was able to power through and try to sleep until about 1am. by this time, i decided to find a couch and camp out. for the entire night i slept in 9-14 min increments, with a crampy-pace-the-hall 60-90 second interlude. when ty woke up about 7:00am, we made a plan. i already had a 10am midwife appointment with chris at eastside birth center, so we planned on getting wyatt to school and heading to the appointment. last time my labor stalled with wyatt, and my midwife "swept me" (a nice way of saying completely stripping my membranes) which immediately took me into active labor. i wanted her to do that again. and i wanted to have a baby 5 hours later (or less) if i could - just like last time. completely ready to not come home until our girl was in that carseat, we planned on sticking around bellevue so we'd be close to the birth center when things got serious. we packed the cooler with champagne (obviously), peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, vitamin water and granola bars. i cried as ty got ready to take wyatt to school. could this really be it? was my little guy heading off to school, while i go and try and have a baby? it was all a little overwhelming.

it was another gorgeous morning. easily 70 degrees already at 9:30am when we hit the road. i had contractions every 7-10 minutes in the car and there was traffic. super annoying traffic. contractions and cars do not mix. contractions, cars, and traffic are explosive. we were almost to our exit after the 45 minute drive when i realized i had a voicemail from a number i didn't recognize. i listened to the voicemail, only to learn my appointment had been cancelled due to an emergency and chris would be calling to reschedule. what.the.f. i was pissed. sad. mad. defeated. my life was over. i was going to be pregnant with contractions every 10 minutes forever. this was obviously how my life was going to be now. dramatic much? yah, tell that to a 10 month pregnant emotional basket case.

wishfully thinking, we decided to stick around bellevue hoping chris would call and that we'd be able to get in after walking the park. boy, was i fun to be around. not. poor ty. i sobbed as we powered around the park. ty listened as i vented. he laughed as i snarked as people looked at me with that smile. "oh, the cute pregnant lady is trying to walk that baby out" their faces said. bite me.

we decided to get food at gilbert's. as ty ordered, i had contractions outside. i'd have to stand up through them and i'm sure people thought i was crazy out there about to have a baby. my 10 or so minute breaks left me there observing those around me. i'd get more and more annoyed with each and every one of them, as they peacefully ate their everything bagels with cream cheese, or marion berry pancakes, cramp-less, in the warm NOW AUGUST sun. i moved to another seat, in the shade and completely out of the way. but still glared at them in envy.

it was probably around 11:30am by now. and no call from chris. shoot me now.

so i texted my doula/life coach/voice of reason, kristin: "should i just expect to have contractions like this for awhile - like days? is this normal?" in other words, do i need to just accept this new life of mine, and the shitty mood i hadn't been able to shake for a couple of weeks now? i wanted my life back. i wanted to feel like me again.

my phone almost immediately rang back. "the loaded question, is it normal..." she started saying. she explained that it very well could be like this for a bit and that yes, it was normal. and that even though it feels like this is my life now, it isn't. and that once it turns the corner, things will go quickly for me. she was sure. while i understood what she was saying and appreciated it, i wanted to crumble into a million pieces right there in front of everyone at the park. i cried on the phone, she talked me through it, and ty and i decided to get in the car and head home. kristin suggested we do call the birth center first to get an idea of when i might be rescheduled as to avoid driving all the way back home just to turn around again. and that it was "OK" to be annoying if i needed to be. my frustration was validated by her, which is just what i needed to hear. we hung up and called in and the voice on the other end told me i wouldn't be able to see chris that day. i explained that i was having contractions every 10 min or so and that i needed to understand when i would see her. she didn't know and suggested i page her.

we drove home. i remember crying and apologizing to ty, explaining how badly i felt that it was going on like this. and that i wished i could do something about it. he was awesome, as usual, telling me i didn't need to apologize for anything. i was just so tired of being "this person". this tired, pregnant, grumpy, emotional, person that i had become over the past 10 months only escalated into an even worse, poltarguise version the past 7 days. i couldn't even stand being around myself another day - how in the hell could he?

we got home and i decided to take a "nap", which looked a lot like my night. up and down, up and down, every 10 min or so. ty hammered through the last bit of work stuff he had for the week. after i woke up, chris called and we decided that we'd come back to bellevue later that evening, she'd sweep me and we'd go from there. voni and dave came over after ty picked wyatt up from school.

IF YOU DECIDED TO SKIP TO THE CHASE, CONTINUE HERE:

at about 4:30pm we were on our way to the birth center. i had a few contractions in the car, but by this time i was used to this pattern. afterall, it had been close to 20 hours at this point. we had planned on meeting chris at 5:30 but she had a break in her schedule and we were already close by 5. we popped into the birth suite, and after a "good sweep" we were on our way. (when i left, i was about 2cm and 50% effaced, but i believe she said my cervix was really soft at this point.) to jimmy johns. we got dinner, i had contractions, people stared, you know the story... they were starting to come closer and were definitely stronger. we had an amazing time driving to my mom's place downtown in rush hour traffic. riiiiight...

we got to my mom's, and decided to walk the park. my mom and ty walked beside me, doing their best to read me and follow my queues i'm sure. it was such a warm night, beautiful really. by 7, we were back up in her apartment, overlooking the park. she had made the most amazing labor mix for me. every song was my favorite and i loved having that as the background for us. the contractions were about 5 min apart now, and we had been in contact with annie, chris, kristin, and jessica (our birth photographer) that things were moving along. i was very engaged in between contractions. very different than how i was with wyatt. i was vocal both during contractions and after. i was persnickety and opinionated - "i don't like this song", "no slurping your coffee when i am having a contractions", and my personal favorite - the overuse of swear words at the start of contractions indicating to ty it was time for him to start timing. around 8 or 8:30 i decided i wanted kristin to come. i needed her help and support through contractions. i was feeling nauseas and sweaty and over it. she came and i could feel things start to change. her presence indicated to me that we were in fact, doing this again. having a baby.

not long after she arrived, i got sick - "reverse digestion" is what kristin calls it i think. so yah, that... a good sign that things are moving along. i knew that, and remembered it from "last time". at this point, i was analyzing everything - every contraction (it's length, it's intensity), my body, the signs, kristin, everything - and comparing it to "last time". i used my breaks to engage with everyone, and if a break lasted "too long" in my mind, i'd decide things were slowing down. if a contraction was too short, it was a "baby contraction" and i'd question it's existence. (advice: don't do this.)

annie came soon after that and brought tate. i was so happy to see them. annie and i had worn the same skirt. i loved that. it was a funny moment really. i remember realizing that this was it - the last time i'd see her when i was pregnant and she wasn't. next time, we'd BOTH have our babes in our arms. i loved knowing that. it motivated me.

i spent most of my time in front of the sink. moaning and rocking with each contraction, while kristin rubbed my hips and rocked with me and my rhythm. i swear, i do not have rhythm any other time in my life. but when it comes to contractions, i'm like freaking shakira. my hips don't lie. or not, but you know what i mean. i cried several times in between contractions in the kitchen. i'd always turn around to her fridge, and on it are pictures of our life. trevor and i with ice cream covered faces when we were really little, cam with my grandparents, ty and i, wyatt's 5 day old pictures, recent ones of all of us. it would hit me how soon i'd be seeing pictures of my daughter on that fridge. my mom started being in charge of the wash cloths, rotating a few. she would put them in the freezer and at one point, she brought one out and it was stiff as a board. i can remember laughing - calling it out as being pretty "erect". my mom laughed so hard, it was hilarious. by 9:30 or so, i was ready for a change. whether my body was or not wasn't important to me. i asked kristin if we could go to the birth center now - i can remember saying, "i feel like once i am there, i'll really let go." kristin called chris and within a few minutes she popped back into the living room to tell us we could make our way over if we'd like. effing phew.

i was so nervous about the car ride. i couldn't imagine having contractions like this in the car. kristin reminded me that it was such a short drive (2-3 miles max i think) and that i'd maybe have two in the car. she was right. ty drove perfectly, had all the windows down and kept telling me how great of a job i was doing. when we got to the birth center, jessica was there waiting for us. it was just chris, jessica and ty and i there. when ty helped me out of  the car i immediately had a contraction. as soon as it was over, i immediately broke into tears. i sobbed for a second as i hugged him. i was happy to be at the birth center, but i think i needed an emotional release. i said out loud that i was so much more emotional this time. if i am really being honest, i would describe my entire pregnancy this time around as emotional. it was fitting.

within minutes everyone else was with us. chris had already prepared the tub and after a trip to the potty, i was in the water. i'm thinking it was maybe 10:30 or so now. it didn't feel as relieving as it did with wyatt, i thought. i wasn't as comfortable there. i remembered being so cozy in the water "last time". i analyzed my position. i didn't just fall in and into my zone like i did "last time". analyze, analyze, analyze. the candles were lit, and it was absolutely beautiful in that corner of the birth suite. annie was on top of it there, yet again. i loved the lighting in this room. i loved the faces that surrounded me. i loved the support. it was different this time. i opened my eyes a lot to look around. i liked knowing where everyone was, their placement in the room. my contractions were long and the breaks in between felt long too. giving me ample time to question where things were at. was i doing a good job? was i where i should be? (advice: don't do this.)

bottom line - i wasn't letting my monkey do it. and it made it really hard on me. and while i gave myself a hard time the first couple of days after summer's birth, i know now that every birth is different. and while i may have let my monkey do it "last time", for whatever reason i didn't this time.

it must have been around 11:45 when i heard a gasp from my mom, and "jord - your daddy's here" and as i cranked my neck around to look behind me, i saw my dad. i know some people reading this might think it's weird, or awkward to have your dad in the room when you deliver. but for me, it was just what i needed. after all, my dad has played a huge role in instilling confidence and security into me throughout my entire life. he has told me i can do anything i want. i am strong, and smart. why would i not want him there? he kept his distance, and i know that seeing me in pain wasn't at all comfortable for him. but to know that he was there to see his granddaughter's debut is something i will always cherish. he'll never have that opportunity again. it was important to me that he have that. it was important for me to have that.

at this point i believe i was having transition contractions and they were long, intense and overwhelming. i remember shaking at this point. shivering maybe is a better way to describe it. i felt as if this was all taking forever. "why is this taking so long?" kristin finally reminded me where i was just a few short hours ago. that it was going at a great pace. and to give myself a break. she was right. less than 7 hours ago, i was 2cm, 50% effaced and having contractions that were 10 minutes apart.

not long after that, i started to make some pushy sounds and felt the pressure down there i had been waiting for. "last time" i felt this, it was time to push. chris and kristin told me to listen to my body but i still felt things were a little off. i tried pushing through the next contraction on my back, but it just wasn't working. which is what happened "last time". and "last time" i got up into the squat position and it all clicked. i tried to do it again, but it wasn't clicking. my water still hadn't broken and i was concerned about this. why had it not broken yet? what was going to happen when it did break? what if it didn't? a contraction came quickly and i panicked. i wasn't ready and i was in between positions. i remember crying and saying "i don't know what to do!" and kristin had me look at her and said that i just needed to get through this contraction and i could change positions. that was comforting. chris said that any time you move positions at this point, it's always overwhelming but that if i did give it a couple contractions i might fall into it. that made me feel better. i did try to fall into it and tried a few more contractions. i said out loud this time that "things weren't clicking" for me and chris suggested she check me (during the next contraction i think) to see what was going on down there. i laid back down in the water and when she checked me she explained that i was at a 9, but not complete. i needed to work through a few more contractions. music to my ears. NOT. chris also said that because this was my second time around, wyatt had paved the way and that things were probably going to go fast and the pressure would be very strong.

the next contraction came and while there was pressure, i could feel her moving down further. i remember keeping my hand on my stomach during a lot of the contractions and knew she was low. this time, i felt her push off from the top of my belly and at same time, felt a sharpish pain in my pelvis. she was working hard. we were working hard together. the next contraction came, and the first half was transition and then before i knew it, i was making the most enormous pushing sound. just like that, my body was telling me we were pushing. my mind hadn't caught up. when i heard i was a 9 a few minutes before (if that) i thought for sure we had a little longer. a contraction and a half later, i was using all of my strength to push this girl out. it was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. it was intense. powerful. i had no control of myself. i was scared. i felt a pop and heard someone say that had been my water breaking but the pressure at that point was so overwhelming, i continued to panic. i felt a bit of that ring of fire, but the pressure outweighed that sensation and honestly there's not a damn thing you can do about it. i just wanted her out. i felt another pop. it was her head. i had to wait to push but i wasn't sure what to do with myself. chris had to ask me to drop my legs down because i was squeezing them up without even knowing it. her sternness scared me. i think i even said that i was scared out loud. was she OK? apparently her elbow was up and chris needed me to use the next contraction to push her out pretty aggressively. apparently i got a grip for long enough to listen to her and with that next contraction, she was here.

at 12:45am, on august 7th, summer james was in my arms. she was greeted with my sobs, others' tears, all of our smiles, excited cheers, a great and very fitting song (embedded below) and magical candle light. getting to this point was hard. but it was perfectly hard.

summer's birth story is about perspective. i walked away from wyatt's birth feeling exhilarated, on top of the world. i was surprised at the strength of my body, proud of the trust i put into it. i also thought it was a pretty easy ho down. this time? not so much. my girl made me work a lot harder - both mentally, and physically. and to say that she was worth it would be the most gigantic understatement. i love her story. i love the distinctness, the difficulty, and the challenge of it all. i love being able to share this story and say that despite the analyzing, the insecurity, the questioning, i still did it. i cooked this little person for 10 moons almost exactly, and i worked my ass off to get her here in the most healthy way possible. i may not have been the most perfectly controlled, modest, politically correct, graceful, polite laboring woman, but i was me. i was vocal and honest, and candid, and i wouldn't have changed anything about it. because at the end of the day, she's here, bringing a completeness to my life i never knew i needed. she fills holes i didn't know i had. she answers questions i didn't know i was asking.

welcome to this world sweet girl. you are perfection. you are the bright, pink, glitter covered puzzle piece our family was missing. thank you for making the wait worth it, this life more fulfilling, and this mama stronger than she gave herself credit for.