buddy,

it's almost been 7 years since we met. 7 years since you made me a mama. i had no idea what i was doing back then. and guess what? i still don't. at least with you. you and i cross bridges together for the first time, practically daily. and sometimes those walks together are sunny walks across, not a cloud in the sky. sometimes we're skipping, holding hands, laughing and it's quite literally a walk in the park. other times, it's pouring rain, you're crying, and i'm yelling to hurry up. we've had lots and lots of changes the last year. especially the last 6 weeks - lots of firsts. first grade started 6 weeks ago, new routines, new school, new teacher, homework (lots of homework!), reading, and more questions about how things work and why coming at us like darts. you are so curious and inquisitive. i think it's my favorite thing about you. you are very into lights right now, and really anything electric. you love learning how things work. (in hawaii on our third night, you let curiosity get the best of you when you touched a hot floor can light. oh my gosh, you poor guy. we felt so bad for you, little love.) you have really grown up and as i write this, i realize i haven't written you a birthday letter in a bit. crap.) you are protective, and kind. you are the sweet boy at school, i can just tell. when we'd ask your teacher Ms. Lisa (you had her for two straight years!) how you were doing in school, or when we'd meet with her at conferences, she'd always cock her head and her tone said it all. she really loved having you in her class. you are a natural leader and you love playing family and school with summer. you set up your room, her room and the playroom as classrooms most of the time, and get out all of your stuffies and dolls and bring them to school and do classroom things that you've learned while being a student yourself. you are just beginning to read after it started to click late into kindergarten in may/june. you have a tendency to gravitate towards numbers - clocks, watches, calculators are your jam. you learned to ride your bike this past year and swimming really clicked for you last june. you were a total pro this past summer. my most favorite thing about you right now is how much you love shelby. oh my goodness, are you obsessed. there are definitely times where i need to peel you off her and i know it bums you out when i do. i don't mean to hurt your feelings when i do it, but personal space isn't really a thing you require so we're doing our best to teach you that those you love the most do. god, i love you. you are sensitive and spirited. that's the best way for me to describe you right now. your feelings are hurt easily, and it seems even the tiniest re-direction can throw you over the edge. you've also gotten so much better at rolling with it, but your tendency to hate surprises is something i can totally relate to. i get it. believe me. we like to know what we're doing, when we're doing it, and why. must be a scorpio thing?

lately we've had more sunny walks, at least i'd like to think so. lately i've had glimpses into your big kid sense of humor. i think we connect most when we see summer do something silly and for a laugh. you are maturing in what you think is funny. that said, i did stumble upon a book you made last week called "poop and pee". there were pictures inside of a smiling poop, similar to the poop emoji but with it's own charm. it also had a picture of a stick person peeing but their privates looked more like a crescent moon than an actual penis. (you'll take any opportunity you can to write the word poop. last year, on a cold day, you wrote "poop" on the slide at school and all the kids gathered around it to laugh with you - until ms. lisa joined the crowd and apparently blood rushed to those sweet little cheeks of yours just in time to apologize.) we've been able to spend so much time together and your love language has to be physical touch (hugs, kisses, tickles, you name it) and quality time (can you read with me? play with me? sit by me? go with me?) but it seems there's never enough time for you. i am not sure you're every really satisfied with what you get from me. that's ok. most of the time. sometimes i feel so guilty about not being able to drop it all and just be with you, "and only you" as you've recently began to say. but kid, i'm not sure you've ever had this much time with me. even when i was on maternity leave with you (and only you), i wasn't as focused on you. i didn't know how to be in the moment with you kiddos like i do now. it takes practice to be in the moment, and i can easily say that's been the one thing i've been working on solidly since you were born. we've had some dates the last few months and i can tell our time together fills your love tank. when you're acting out i know it's because you need time with me. focused, in the moment, time. sometimes we'll play legos together, which usually means i'm watching you play legos. the other night i laid on your bedroom floor with you as we listened to stone soup together and you memorized the words so you could "read" the book to me. you'd keep me to yourself forever if you could. it's hard now, but i know someday when you just want me out of your way, i'll miss this terribly. 

i've been feeling bad about the harder walks the last couple of days - and i need to get a few things off my chest. not for you to understand from me now. but later on. whenever you read these letters to you that i've been writing for 7 years.

there have been some harder moments lately. times i've been extra hard on you. where i hear myself coming down hard. and your little face is broken. i don't want to break you. ever. there have been two situations the last couple of weeks where i have messed up. i've broken you down. the first was a couple of weeks ago when daddy heard you call summer "a little bitch". i lost it. i didn't even hear it. i wasn't even there. but daddy told me and instead of just asking you what you said calmly first, i immediately jumped on you about what you said. come to find out, you genuinely didn't know you said it or what you said, or what it even meant. i was questioning you so immediately, and so aggressively, you didn't know what to say to me. looking back, i did nothing to make it easy on you to tell me the truth. but you sure as hell tried. you continued to say you didn't say that but i didn't believe you. it wasn't until your eyes told me that i was wrong. my approach was wrong. you may have said it but you didn't know you said it. and you didn't even know what i was talking about. you just knew you were in trouble and that i was mad. at you. and it came out of nowhere. you didn't deserve that. i messed up.

the other time was last week when you forgot to turn in your homework that we worked on for most of the night before. you are 6.5 and you forgot to turn in your homework. you would have thought the world was going to end when i found out you forgot. i don't know why my expectations of you are so high sometimes. maybe it's because i have high expectations of myself. maybe it's because you not turning in your homework felt like a reflection of me. like i wasn't doing my job. like your teacher would judge me or think i wasn't doing my part to set you up for success. maybe, in this case, it was because we worked so hard on it together the night before, and i was proud of us that we got it done. together. so when you didn't turn it in, it felt (unfairly) like it was all for nothing. all i know for sure is that i was ridiculous. afterwards, i was mortified at my reaction over this and we sat down and i said i was sorry and i couldn't help but cry. sometimes that's all i can do. apologize, hug you, and sometimes cry.

i hate that you get these raw first moments from me where i am the rookie reactive mom. not the loving patient mama i strive to be. some days are hard but god i hope you remember the best days too. i'm ok with being this way, sometimes, if it means you can see that i'm not perfect and that i can say i am sorry when i screw up. i want you to learn how to show me and others grace, and love, even when the shittiest sides are shown to you. because honey, people aren't perfect. we are constantly learning and growing. we are always doing things for the first time and sometimes we do those things well, and sometimes we don't. and it's ok. i need you to love me despite myself. maybe i need to love me despite myself, and getting this off my chest is more for me than you.

you always say you want to be a teacher when you grow up. you already are. you are my teacher, and i've never learned more from anyone than you. someday, when you read these letters, i hope i make more sense to you. i hope you read them and know me better and love me harder.

love you always, my forever first. my teacher. my heart.

mommy

Dear Wyatt - You're 3.

Dear Wyatt,

You're 3, my love. And I'm two months late on writing to you. You are so many things right now.

Chatty - you are talking constantly. Saying so many things - there isn't a single word you won't say now. If you hear something for the first time, you'll repeat it back and add a question mark to the end, indicating you aren't sure what is being referenced and that you need further explanation.

Musical - currently, we're into anything and everything in the "toddler tune" category, or Frozen. Let It Go is a constant these days. And I have to admit. I don't mind.

Independent - always, always, always wanting to do your own thing.

Potty Trained - thank you baby Jesus.

Curious - about everything. Questions all the time. "Why, why, why?"

Artistic - you love to draw, color, paint, cut. Oh, and the stickers. So many stickers.

Outdoorsy - it might be 20 degrees outside, but you don't care. You love your pedal free bike that you got for your birthday. You're so good on it too.

Frustrating - you kill me. You're strong willed, opinionated, "spirited". You're smarter than me a lot of the time.

Picky - about food. You barely eat. Unless it's a cake pop, donut, or cookie. You will eat macaroni and anything cheesy. Or processed. #wecavetomcdonalds

Car-obsessed - and by car, I mean anything with four wheels - firetrucks, garbage trucks, wee-noo's (ambulance, cop car), beep-beeps (Jeeps), tractors, you name it.

You're getting better at the "big-brother" thing. Still sometimes only tolerating Summer, but starting to seem a lot more interested in what she's doing. You want her to follow you around and do what you do, and you hate it when she follows you around and does what you do. You're amazing with her (most of the time) when you don't think we're watching. Like today, you held her hand up the stairs. You kissed her head out of the blue yesterday. This morning, when she saw you for the first time when you woke up, she about barreled me over so she could get to you and give you a hug. You two together are my heart beat. It's why I can be a little more patient with us as we learn how to be a family of four - 17 months later. Yes, we're still learning.  You're a leader with her, the typical first born. Bossy, pushy, impatient. And at the same time, loving, patient, encouraging, and warm.

I am hard on you. I know that. I have really high expectations when it comes to you and often forget you're only three. I am not sure why. Maybe it's because I know what you're capable of. I know how smart you are. I know how incredible you are, and will be. I expect you to be a good kid. A respectful teenager. A wise man. A caring father. A contributing citizen. I want you to be a good man, someone people respect and learn from and want to be around. I'm always going to expect a lot from you, Buggy. And I'll probably always call you Buggy. Or Munchy. Or Baby. Or Lovie. #getoverit I am more and more patient with you as you get older. I think it's because I get you, my little fellow Scorpio. You have so much of me in you. I see your little ideas in your head. Your mannerisms when you play remind me of how I used to play. You're excitable, passionate, easily annoyed, whiney,  sensitive, and extremely easy to read. Your a good communicator, and you have high expectations of yourself. I know a lot of that has to do with me, but I do believe a lot of that is just who you are. You are already starting to see what you're made of. And I love that.

I am so proud of you. You are learning and growing so much. You are resilient. You are entertaining, exhausting, and all things amazing to this family. The love I feel for you is one of my best defining traits. You have taught me so much, and I know you'll always be that for me. A teacher.

I love you little one. The sprinkles on my cupcake.

Your Mama.

dear buggy >> two, and a half.

wow, little guy. you are two and a half today. and yah, it's pretty obvious.

it took you 2 hours to finally fall asleep today. after an hours worth of waiting for you to poop, you did. then another 45 minutes of fighting it from there. pretty typical these days.

there are so so so many things i love about this age of yours. you are so fun, and full of life. and silly. your vocabulary impresses me every day, and your ideas and little way of thinking totally amazes me. you are smart, kid. so smart. too smart for me most of the time.

you are still totally obsessed with cars, bubbles, trucks, trains, anything sweet for the most part, and your sister. you are sensitive and passionate. very strong willed. you love being outside, especially with your bestie, Pax. you love your daddy. the bond you two share kills me. i love watching you learn from him. everyday he teaches you something new. how to wash the cars has been the latest i think. fixing things is now your expectation when you are with him. "fixth it".

the thing i love most about this age is your independence. the thing i hate most about this age is your independence.

i love your spirit, your smile, and your sensitive heart. i hope you are always an opinionated, spirited, sensitive guy.

thank you for making this life worth living my very best each day, and for your patience as i learn how to be the best mom i know how to be.

love you for always,

your mama.

first time crazy mom

dear wyatt - tomorrow, you'll be 26 months old. two years, two months. two years ago, you were this little monkey. scrawny legged, unsure of this world you live in, and definitely unsure about your crazy parents. we were so new at this whole parenting thing. i was so up tight. i look back on your first two months, and compare it to your sisters, and man. you poor baby. i was such a first time mom. over bathing you meant you always had dry skin. and over feeding you made you such a little barfer. i've learned so much about being a mom, at your expense my little munchkin.

here's the honest truth. i was a first time mom with you when you were born, and despite having another babe, in many ways i'll always parent you like the first time mom i was two years ago. everything we do with you is a first. every stage is unchartered territory my love.

hang on tight, kiddo. and i'm sorry for being such a rookie. i think i'll always be a rookie with you, and you'll always think i am crazy.

at least you'll always know i love you. that will make up for it. it has to.

dear wyatt >> happy birthday, love

today marks the day, two years ago, that this life started. you're life gave mine a kick start i didn't know i needed. i knew how badly i wanted to be a mom, but never did i know how badly i needed to be a mom. i've told you this before and i'll keep telling you - you give me purpose, kid. real purpose. you gave me purpose the moment i kissed those cold cheeks two years ago at 7:21 pm. you gave me purpose during those mid night feedings, ball bouncing sessions, and mustard shit blow outs. this past year you transitioned into a little boy. exactly one year ago, you were still a baby. barely walking, bald as can be, and saying 'truck' here and there. today, not only do you walk like a champ, you freaking RUN everywhere. you have hair - more hair than some like to see on a two year old boy. sue me. and you talk - a LOT. you attempt every word spoken to you and you practically speak in sentences now. you even pretend to talk like your daddy and i do. you pretend to talk on the phone. you interrupt us if we talk without including you. you constantly seek affirmations from us - especially if you see a car that looks like someone's you know (it's actually scary how often you spot cars of the same make and model, even year - but in different colors) - "daddy caaa!" gets increasingly more aggressive until we acknowledge that yes, you indeed do see a car just like daddy's.

you seem to love your life. you seem happy. of course you can't tell me yet how much, but i know you do. i know you love your family. us, your sister, your grandparents, your great grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your best friends. 

today we spent the morning celebrating your first day of 2s at the seattle children's museum. you've never been before and boy were you ready for all it had to offer. you owned that place, exploring every corner, literally turning every rock. you ran like a mad man, your hair blowing in the wind behind you. i felt proud watching your curiosity take over. you're so smart. and you have this understated spirit that consumes me.

i think the love we feel for you overwhelms us at times. it's hard to describe how we feel about you and honestly, as you get older i get worse at it. i feel more overwhelmed at the thought of how big my heart is for you because every day it stretches and grows and takes me over. i look back on that instant love i felt for you the day we met, and i realize that it was really only a tiny itty bitty particle of what was to come. today, this love is so big, there really are no words to do it justice. 

you are my heart. you represent everything that matters to me. you make me better. you own me. 

happy birthday, sweet boy.

2

hey kid - little boy. almost 2 year old. yah, you:

first time in a booster. ever. you're huge here.

you're almost two years old, and there are more and more moments each day where i see a little boy more than i see a baby. it is... sad. and amazing at the same time. you are coming into your own more and more. you surprise us everyday with something new - new words, a new expression, a new obsession. you are a big kid. a brother. you have a personality. it's weird.

you are silly. you are full, i mean like really full, of energy. when you run, your hair moves now. ya, you have hair. and we aren't cutting it. for a really long time. even though it's taking a turn for the mullet. (you're dad cut, what he says to be, a verry small amount off your bangs because you had this dangler of a strand and it actually got stuck in your eye. he didn't tell me. i noticed and kind of freaked out. well, really freaked out. then he told me the story. and lucky for him (and his you know what) he kept the strand he cut and i got a grip. you'll learn this about me. i need to get a "grip" at leeeeeeeast once a week day.)

you are passionate. aka - you scream a lot. and i know you do it to annoy me. it really annoys me. i turn into a giant red button when you do it and you push me, hard. verrrry hard sometimes.

we're learning a lot together these days. this maternity leave has meant more for you and i then it has for your sister and i sometimes. we needed this time together. like, bad. i missed you, kid. really missed you. and i'm in love with all things "hyatt" - that's how you say your name right now. your little language is better than hot brownies with ice-cream. water is "halo", "meal man" is milk man, "ali" is for ali du and maddie, "mama" is for me and gramma, "mommy" is for me and grammy. i'm your translator. "cacton" is paxton. "kaaaa" is car. "bean" is ben. i could go on and on.

you're almost 2. two. years. two years old. i'm getting my head around this so i am not a basket case on your actual birthday. i think i am going to be like this every year around this time. even when you're about to turn 50 and i am an old hag celebrating my 80th the week prior. i think you were born a week after my birthday to take the pressure off me getting older. i kind of look right past my old ass taking on another candle and hone in on yours. with me?

you're more than with me. you're stuck with me. like white on rice. (rice - another fave of yours these days.)

xoxo, times infinity.

dear wyatt >> 21 months already!?

sweet bug,

you are seriously so much fun at 21 months. all of the things you are doing, learning and teaching us are to die for. i am so in love with everything about you. you were 21 months last tuesday, aug 6th. you woke up that day, having no idea that you were going to be meeting your little sister soon. i of course knew, and expected that she would be born that day. that morning i had been having contractions for about 10 hours. your daddy got you ready for school, and i cried when i looked at you knowing that the next time i saw you, you'd look like such a big boy. you will always be my baby, but you have grown up so much. and there's nothing more eye opening than seeing your "baby" next to your "infant". someday you will know what i mean by this. i already know you are going to be the most amazing daddy some day. you've been playing with your baby doll the past couple of days and my heart almost bursts out of my chest when i see you doing things to the doll that you've seen daddy and i do with your sister the past week. the other night when you first started playing with him, you put him in the swing down here that we have set up for summer. you would swing it, say "ni niiii" and put your head down into the doll. we got your stool out so you could stand on it and push the buttons on the swing that play music. you picked the baby up out of the swing, and when i looked down again, you were patting his back and tilting your head into him. already so intuitive to properly provide neck support to him. a natural already! 

i could write for days about everything you are doing right now. 

you started going to bright horizons two days a week in june and it's been so incredible seeing all of the things you have learned while there. most notably, the talking. you weren't talking much before you went but that first week, it was like a little switch turned. you started to attempt to say every word we asked you to say. you started being more chatty and trying new sounds. two months later, you are still obsessed with trucks and cars and say those words the most each day. you say (or sort of say but we know what you mean) mama, mommy, dada, paxton, jay, kids, baby, bubbles, shoes, hot, cold, hat, back pack, mammy, flag, toy, milk man, outside, up, ball, bath, balloon, puppy, cheese, wee wee (more on this later), poop, pee pee, cookie, ginkie, gankie, bye, moon, and more i am sure. these are the popular words that make up your daily vocab. i love your sweet voice. 

still totally and completely obsessed with pinwheels - "wee wee": anything with a stick that spins. this includes, pin wheels, fans of any kind, flags (which we have started to differentiate), signs, etc. your favorite pin wheel is from world market and you like us to roll all the windows down so you can watch it spin in the wind. 

you started peeing and pooping on the potty with grammy on your 21 month birthday. i haven't attempted to try this since you've actually done it since i just gave birth, but we'll try soon. 

you love to play with paxton. obsessed really. you light up when you know we are going over there. i don't think there is anything else you'd rather do than go over to the stookey's to play with him. you are so incredibly comfortable over there. you love asking for snacks. actually, you are practically signing "more" as you are walking through the front door. you love checking out what kind of snacks auntie lisa has out on paxton's table. you especially love eating blueberries and fish crackers over there. you are so giddy when you and paxton run around together. you love their toy house so much, especially the door bell. 

you love being chased - especially when you think the dogs are chasing you. they rarely are, unless you have some kind of food in your hand. you giggle and scream up the stairs, down the hall, around the kitchen island when this happens. i hold my breath most of the time waiting for you to wipe out, or clock your head on a corner somewhere. it's super relaxing for this mama :) 

you have loved this amazing weather we've had. we've had warm, hot even, sunny days since may. you've played in the water almost every day this summer. you love your pool in the back yard. especially when daddy fills it with warm water. you love your water table. ditto for all things outdoors at the stookey's. you love bubbles. love. love. love. you could watch bubbles floating in the background forever. you have the best time on swings at any park that has them. your brave and usually always attempt the slides too. 

you love bath time. i love bath time. this is the time where you settle down for the night. it's part of our nightly routine and i it's so fun to watch you and those little buns swim around in the tub. even when i was hugely pregnant, i'd sit on my ball most nights because i hated missing this part of our day. 

mexican food is your bff. you will always eat such a huge dinner if it entails beans, cheese, avacado, rice, and some kind of taco seasoned meat. you make your daddy very proud. i know he's secretly excited to share a 'rita with you someday my sweet. 

you are the most amazing little boy. i mean, really amazing. you are cool too. and funny. so silly and your sense of humor kills your daddy and i. we live for each day with you. and now we are entering into a new chapter. seeing you as a big brother, even in just a week, has really been something special. you are little obsessed with your sister. you make us so proud every day. we are lucky to know you and be apart of your special little life. always know that we get up everyday to be your mama and daddy. you're that incredible. 

love you always and always.

your mama.

dear wyatt >> big bro, big job!

sweet bug, you are going to be a big brother! and now that we're already almost 13 weeks into this thing, it's starting to feel real. things are about to change quite a bit around here. your world is going to shift but i already know you're going to do amazing. you are our first sweet bambino and we learn so much from you every day. you are going to continue to teach us things as we enter into this new phase too. the most incredible thing you've taught us so far is how much your daddy and i can love someone. how together, we've created a family. you have taught us that life is so big, that this world is so good, and that through your eyes everything is special and new again. you have taught us what it's all about - family. 

we're excited to bring another little bambino into our world because we know we are meant to be parents. you are meant to be a big brother. it will be hard sometimes, and i'm sure your little nose will get out a joint a time or two, but with the hard times comes even more great times. special memories. life lessons. 

you need to know that i did feel some guilt at first, thinking how little you still are. and if this journey ahead really was meant to be. did we rush things a bit, did i not give us enough time with just you? you're still so little. 

you're still our baby. 

what i've learned in the last 6 weeks is that this IS our journey. this is OUR story. your little brother or sister is so lucky to have a big brother that i know will protect them, watch over them, love them, teach them, and respect them. i am sure you will be mean to them, maybe kick them, or even bite them but i know your love for them will outweigh the fights and the moments you think you hate them. 

we're going to live up the next 6 months, sweet boy. and when nug #2 joins us in july, our house will be filled with even more love - for you, our family, and this life we've created - together. 

love you,

your mama.

dear wyatt >> there is good in this world

sweet boy, i always hug you extra tight. i cherish you every day. but this weekend my hugs were more reflective, more thankful. i kissed you and smelled you and loved on you, breathing you in. 26 moms and dads lost their loves on friday in such a tragic way. 20 of them were little kids - little perfect kids, with so much life to live. to say it has shaken many of us to our core would be an understatement. i know i've written to you about this before, a few months back when there was a shooting at a movie theatre in colorado. i really didn't think it could get worse than that. i was wrong.

now that i have you, i see things through such a different lens. i really can't imagine our world without you. i have cried for those moms and dads all weekend, wondering how in the world they can go on. i pray they have other children to remind them that life must go on. to imagine the pain in their hearts the moment they learned that it was their child that wouldn't come out of that school on friday is just awful. the images that must go through their heads. i once heard a woman describe life after she lost her son - she explained that as her world froze in time, everyone else's seemed to go on. as much as she wanted to bury herself in her bed, and never come out, her family still needed her. the clock still ticked. the sun came up. it went down. time didn't stop, as much as she wanted it to just stop, it wouldn't. as much as she hated it, it was what ended up saving her life. i pray for those parents multiple times a day. hoping that one day they remember their sweet babies without the overwhelming memories of how they were taken.

it's hard to think about the world i've brought you into, wyatt. it's days like friday where i wonder if there is any good at all. i promise you there is. there is good in the world. it's filled with love, and wonder, and peace. there are amazing people everywhere, with stories to share. stories i know you'll learn from someday. amidst tragedy, there is hope. there are people that come to each others' side. friendships are strengthened. i promise you sweet boy, there is good in this world.

we will continue to show you the goodness, as you continue to show us.

love you always,

mama

wyatt's 1st birthday >> the deets

so the party. it happened. i planned. i decorated. i did everything but take good pictures at the party of all of the little details i whipped up. party fowl.

let's start with the invites i made and then ordered on tiny prints. they have a really great option on there called a favorite memory card. you can upload any picture onto their really nice paper. i wanted to make our own invite because i wasn't finding anything i really loved, and discovered PicMonkey recently and was having a blast with it! here's what we came up with:

i am really in love with pinterest. i know many of you are too. if you aren't yet, you will be. get going already! i used this site to plan wyatt's nursery and loved it. i did the same to plan for his party. i ended up purchasing a lot of things i pinned.

i fell in love with this cupcake flag tutorial and pretty much made my own flags using the exact same materials she recommended. i found the cutest red themed card stock paper and had a blast making them. i got the sucker sticks at ben franklin and they worked perfectly.

i ordered our cupcakes from trophy cupcakes and stuck these bad boys in them. voila. (as much as i wanted to make my own cupcakes with peanut butter frosting, i decided against it. i knew i could count on trophy.) i also found these really cute cow print cupcake wrappers from here.

picture from www.trophycupcakes.com

picture from www.thepartytable.com.au

i found the cutest shop on etsy, mytwolittlelovebugs, for my cowboy themed bunting. as much as i wanted to make that too, i couldn't find the paper anywhere. this little lady made them perfectly using photo paper and images i believe. so adorable. 

i love buying off etsy. the shop owners are so thoughtful and really care about what they create. i love sending messages through to them and asking simple questions. they are always so quick to respond, and she was no exception. here's a sweet pic from her site: 

i actually used this picture as inspiration for the cake pops i had one of my best friend's sister in law's make. she made them to look exactly like the two layers of the this sweet cake. she made 12 with the cow print theme and 12 with the bandana print. i'm thrilled that she got a picture before she sent them over!

Cake Pops by Rachel

i also found cow print balloons - these worked out perfectly... except for one small detail. the helium was out of them by the morning of the party. ty even got the helium that is supposed to last a few more days (high float, or something like that?!) but i am thinking that the balloons may not hold in the helium all that well. so here's my advice: don't spend a ton on helium and instead, pay your friends to blow them up for you and use them on the sides of the buntings. 

picture from www.birthdayexpress.com

as for the menu, i had a good time keeping it pretty simple. i made home made mac n' cheese, a recipe my cousin and her hubby shared with me years ago. it is amazing mac! the real trick is putting french's fried onions on top the last 5 minutes it bakes. yummmmmmmmm. 

This recipe will feed 16-20.

• Large elbow noodles, 1 large bag
• Tillamook cheddar cheese, 4 cups shredded
• Tillamook shredded Jack cheese, 1 1/2 cups. 
• Whole milk, 4 cups
• Stick of butter
• 1/2 cup flour
• 2 tablespoons salt
• 1 can of fried onions

Boil noodles and then set aside. Use pan that you boiled the noodles in, and melt stick of butter. Once melted, stir in flour. Stir and cook roux for 3 minutes over medium heat. Roux should be consistency of paste.

Remove from heat, and then pour milk slowly. Once milk is in, put back on heat and bring to a soft boil, stirring constantly. Don't let it burn. This will take about 8 minutes. You will see the liquid get glossy then thicken. Add cheese, turn heat to low. Melt cheese all the way. Add salt, then add noodles. Cover with foil, bake at 350 for 30 minutes. Remove foil, add fried onions, put back in oven for 4 min. 

Remove and enjoy!

i also made pulled pork sliders (and even got a batch made from one of my good friends, kaarin!). This was so easy. I used two crockpots and put a pork roast into each the night before. i cook these bad boys in the garage so we don't fill our house with too much pork smells. i put about a cup of water into each crock pot, add salt/pepper, a couple of bay leaves and call it good. in the morning, i take them out and shred them, add a bottle of our favorite bbq sauce and then continue cooking on low / warm until we eat. the winner of the best bbq sauce ever goes to: 

annie made a yummy salad with blue cheese crumbles and fruit that was to die for as well. she's so good at salads! 

everyone that came to wyatt's party was so much fun. we had kids galore, and really couldn't have been more excited to celebrate with so many of our closest friends and family. the day went by way too fast, and in the end, it was a perfect way to wish our little guy a happy first birthday!

dear wyatt >> my one year old

sweet baby, it only took a PTO day, a slide show and a decent sized ho-down for me to come to grips with the fact that it's been a year since we met each other. a whole year. and only a year. i've been in denial about this day. i cried some big tears as i made your birthday slide show, and had the most amazing memories of the day you were born on tuesday. i am a lucky lady in so many ways, but i'm reminded the most when i think back to your birthday. i'd do it all again, you know. all of it. just to have that moment again, where i held you in my arms for the very first time. the world around me spun as i looked down at you and told you how much i loved you. my heart calmed as i whispered happy birthday in your ear. we did it. i'l never forget your pursed lips and your squished up little nose. your cold cheeks. that little body fit perfectly inside me, and even more perfectly in my arms. you were all mine. nothing made sense until you were in front of me. i was born to be your mom. that's one thing i know for sure.

it feels like you've always been with me. i've been writing to you for awhile now, as you know. but if i am really honest, i've been thinking about you and obsessing over the thought of you for many moons. it was you that i thought about when i was a little girl and played babies with. it was you i pretended to rock to sleep. it was you i bundled up in the wooden rocker at my grandma's house. it was you i sang to. it was you all along.

you are doing so many amazing things right now. you started walking a few weeks ago. you are continuing to crack us up. morning til night, that's what we do. your daddy and i will lay in bed at night talking about how much we love what you are doing lately. the latest faves happen to be:

• you're cute walk - a.k.a the drunken cowboy
• your new infatuation with trucks - you must say this about 1000 times a day -- any time you hear anything outside, you're sure it's a truck
• your love for your blankie - the stinky corners and all... you look for the corners of your blanket and most nights, when you fight bed time, we'll find you sobbing in your crib holding two corners of your blanket in your mouth. this morning when you woke up and wanted us to come get you, you handed me your blanket first and then wanted to be picked up. 
• your cozy hug - you'll do this when you are tired, or when you don't want your feet to touch the cold water in the pool. adorable.
• shy guy - this is new, and we love it. you'll hide away when you meet someone new by tucking down into daddy or me. 
• your dance moves - you love music. 
• tippy toes - you do this most over your baby gates or the tub and it's so stinking cute. 
• your delayed wave - you typically wave bye to people when they are about 40 steps away from you and are no longer looking at you. it's hilarious. you'll watch people as they say bye to you and wave, and they'll wait, sometimes several minutes, just to see you wave. even strangers do this. awkward. finally, they'll give up and walk away. sure enough, by the time they are in their car driving away, you'll start whipping your little hand around. clock work. 
• bath time (yes, still) - still the best time of the night. 
• airplane - you still do this with your airplane toy. melt me. 
• tickle bug - i love doing tickle bug with you. which brings me to my next favorite thing... 
• your giggle - the perfect sound. like, ever.

your party was a hit. so many people love you. you were surrounded by smiles and fun yesterday. it was the best day. and whoa, an eye opener for me. kiddie parties are a lot of work. sheeesh. anything for you, my love.

happy 1st birthday, wyatt brady. you're the mascot of our family. the epitome of love in this house.

and most importantly, you represent everything good about your daddy and me.

we love you. more than a fat kid loves cake.

xoxoxo,
your mama.

dear wyatt >> 11 months

pumpkin butt,

i'm running out of ways to tell you how much i love you. i'm still obsessed with everything about you. you continue to stuff my heart full of confetti hearts and i swear you shoot rainbows into my blood stream every time i see you after missing you all day long. i live for my weekends with you and lately, my favorite time of day with you is a toss up. i equally adore your morning wake ups and our nightly bath time routine. saturday and sunday mornings are my happy place. bringing you into bed with us and watching you whip between daddy and me is pretty much my favorite thing on earth. you are so incredibly smart. your little brain is a sponge. you've started giving me kisses, passing things back and forth (i.e. sharing) and you do your best to say words you hear over and over. while "mama" is still used out of desperation, you try to say "truck", "ducky", "blow", and "dada" often.

you love books. especially those cute little touchy feely books. your current faves are "that's not my monster" and "that's not my truck". you love trucks. i think you hear the garbage truck about 5 neighborhoods away on friday afternoons and you tug on me to lift you up so you can see it out the window. one of our favorite things you do is play "airplane" with your wooden melissa and doug airplane. you've watched daddy do it and now you will do it too. it melts us. especially when you do it with something else - like a piece of avocado at dinner. you still love avocados. so much so, you look like the grinch after you eat them.

you love to dance. especially to the beach boys. so strange. when you hear music you like, you'll get to a spot where you can stand yourself up and dance. and if you don't want to stand, you sit and wiggle around to the beat. you shake that little booty of yours every chance you get. you are standing alone often now... and you've taken about 3 steps at a time -- either between daddy and i, or between tables... or in the bathtub. safe. i often catch you cruise along side the bathtub as well (as you patiently wait for it to fill so you can get in) and into the bathroom. if i don't watch you close enough, or if i don't learn my lesson and close the toilet seat, i find you stirring the toilet water. yummy. what can i say? you love water. always have. you are such a cozy little baby - you always, always, always give a little squeeze to me after i wrap you up like a burrito after bath time. i live for that moment every night. i think that's why i love bath time, knowing the cherry on top saved just for me afterwards.

not sure what more i can say about 11 months, other than what i always say in my letters to you. it just gets better. you are still the stealer of hearts in this house. you are watching us and learning from us every day.

we are lucky to call you ours. happy 11 months sweet cheeks.

dear wyatt >> 10 months

little love,

you are already 10 months old and i know i sound like a broken record in these letters now. but i can't believe how quickly time is flying by. you are our bright light, the good news in every day, our constant "pick me up". we are so lucky.

you are fun. and funny. and so incredibly smart. i know you are going to do amazing things with your life. you are curious, and excited. you are observant and borderline nosey. i love it. i find myself staring at you a lot. trying to see things through your eyes as much as i can. i am on the edge of my seat these days, watching you learn and take everything in around you. i love the reaction on your face when you hear the puppies bark down stairs, or how your eyes light up when you hear the garage door open and know that means daddy is home. it's obvious you love other kids, especially hearing their little voices as you hear them play. you love chasing your shadows and watching the wind blow the trees (you obviously got this from your older sister, maddie girl). in fact, your first big "word"is "buh". which means "blow". you want to watch us blow at your mobile so every time we come into your room that's the first thing you do - look to your airplane mobile and say "buh, buh... buh" until we acknowledge you and your sweet words and say it back. it's pretty much perfect.

you are eager to move - already so independent. the back arches are frequent these days. you want down. you crawl fast. you are determined in everything you do. you are confident. i am seeing this a lot in the bath tub these days. you aren't afraid.

i see so many of these traits becoming part of your foundation. i flash forward to thoughts of you as a young man, sitting across from me at the dining room table with a girlfriend and me repeating the same stories about you - how perfectly adorable and fun and smart and observant you were when you were a baby... and how i knew you would do such amazing things with your life even before you were walking. she'll look at me like i am "that mom" and even if she's annoyed with me, i hope she appreciates how loved you are. she'll be lucky to know you. we all are.

"while we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." -- angela schwindt. i saw this quote on a cute little wall hanging last weekend while we were out and about with you in snohomish. it's so true. you are this innocent little person, already teaching us so much. you have just as much to teach us, as you have to learn little guy.

we love you. (understatement of the century.)

photo credits: daddy of the year.

dear wyatt >> t minus 3 months

my little munchkin boy, you are 9 months today! i could seriously cry. you can bet that in 3 months from today - i will be. you will be a year old in 12 weeks. what the?! (that's for you lisa!) i'm still walking on sunshine. you light up this crazy life of ours like nobody's business. how the heck did we get so freaking lucky? you are seriously amazing. like the coolest kid i know. (i'm totally not bias.)

things i'm loving about you right now, per the usual monthly letter to you...

• you are obsessed with flicking things with your left thumb. so random. so cute. things you flick? your fishy water toys from grammie, rubber ducky in the bath, your spinning toy on jumpie... anything that spins really. anything that doesn't too -- like my fingers when you are getting cozy at bed time.
• pulling yourself up in your crib, the pack n' play, your standing toy from the dumond's, your baby gate, daddy, me. anything that allows for it, really. 
• making more sounds - like da.... have a feeling you're going to say dada/daddy a lot sooner than mama. it's ok. i forgive you. 
• you're a cuddle bug. l-o-v-e.
• you're loud. you love the sound of your voice. no idea where you get it... 
• you're dramatic. again, no idea... 
• you are independent. case in point - you feed yourself those plum pouches now. you push my hand away when i try to help you. 
• you still have no teeth, so you flash this toothless grin and it melts me. every.single.time.
• you are so nosy. you stare at people constantly. it's hilarious. 
• you love attention. from what/who ever you can get it from.
• you have zero stranger danger. see above. 
• books are your fave right now - especially peek-a-who. (other mama's / soon to be's - get this dang book. who knew a little book with a mirror and cow print would be such a hit!?)
• fart noises entertain you - especially when you are making them yourself. only you can make fart noises cute, monkey.
• you are finally figuring out that getting a reaction out of us is pretty funny. you're going to be that kid that does anything for a good laugh. 
• you're a ham. you love watching videos of yourself. again, i have no idea where you get it. 

to say that you are your mama's son is an understatement. people may think you look like your daddy, but you sure as heck have your mama's personality. i totally get you. 

thanks for being the sprinkles on our cupcakes, the warm, gooey center of our cinnamon rolls and simply... 

the best part of us. 

happy 9 months buggy!

dear wyatt >> real life

well little mister, we had our first national tragedy since you were born this last weekend. another reminder of how fragile this life is, and how every day is one giant blessing. we've experienced some pretty horrific things over the years, and i know, as sad as it is to admit, this one won't be the last. you have to know, that even though these absolutely insanely sad things happen across the globe, this world is also a wonderful and beautiful place. it's important to me that you grow up wearing a few different pairs of glasses - a couple of different styles that will sit beside your rose colored aviators. you'll experience moments in your life where you will feel blessed beyond words, searching for a new amazing word to describe just how happy you are. but you'll get thrown for a loop here and there sometimes too, wondering why and how. it's a lesson i am not looking forward to you learning, sweet boy. but it's the reality in which we live in.

it was different this time. watching the news and the heartbreak that came along with the movie theatre shooting in colorado, took me to a place i've barely let myself go to since you were born. i teeter on the edge of picturing life without you because my heart simply can't take the thought. but as i watched those parents share the stories that came along with losing their children, i couldn't help but empathize in a way i never had before. i felt a part of my heart break for them on friday night. i just watched them, wondering how they could even find words to speak knowing they would never see their child again. how that hurt would just take me over and how i'd want to hide under a rock and never come out. it was just another reminder of how this crazy love we feel for you is more powerful, intense, and protective than we could have imagined. 

as much as i wish i could put you in a bubble and push you around with me everywhere i go, just to protect you from the outside, i know that i can't let my crazy take over. the scary things will happen, and as much as i want to protect you and keep you from all of things around us that we simply can't control, i want you to live and love life. 

i want you to tell your story. 

even if that means adding a few chapters in there for me... perhaps one called "my mom froze time" and "i now have a micro-chip". 

deal?