i am going to keep this light, because as you know, sweet monkey, i go back to work tomorrow. well, maybe you don't know this but it's happening. we woke up to a light little dusting of snow AND sun today. i love when it's sunny on your monthly birthdays because i can get a good shot of you next to your W. i love this months picture. you continue to keep your legs up to your chest like a little frog so it's hard to see how long you are getting.

we'll know your 4 month stats tomorrow, but here are my guesses: 15.5 lbs and 27 inches long. i am guessing you are still in the 95th percentile for length, probably 50th for head, and 50th for weight. we shall see. i will be heading to your appointment right after work. you can bet i will be speeding to see you. tomorrow will go by fast because it's crazy at work, but it won't go fast enough. i already can't wait to see you.

you are doing so many new things at 4 months!

• you rolled over several times from tummy to back yesterday. finally! you did this in hawaii and then haven't done it since. now when you do it, daddy and i cheer like fools and you look at us like we're idiots. like, "what? oh that..." then we prop you back up on your tummy and you do it only seconds later and look at us waiting for the cheer. 
• i can't believe how smart you are. you catch on to our antics so quickly and then wait for them. i love coming at you and kissing your neck. you wait for it now and it's so stinking cute. 
• you are so close to rolling over from back to tummy. you kick your one leg up and stretch it so far that your get up onto your side. sooooo close! 
• you notice your feet now. you just stare at them. and watch them as you kick around. you love to stretch them up and out and stare at them in your swing. 
• you are really starting to love your swing now. it's so nice! daddy and i can make dinner together AND eat together now most nights! 
• you are such a chatter box. and you love to gurgle and squeal. it's spitty and cute and i can't get enough of it. 
• when you are being bounced to sleep you now moan along with us. hard to describe in writing but it's this moan/yell/fake cry. it's adorable. with every bounce you let out a moan and after about 20 of them, you are out like a light. 
• your laugh is more frequent than ever. i just started tossing you up in the air a little bit and you crack up. you laugh at daddy a lot too - especially when he comes in and touches his nose to yours. you love to laugh and squeal at that. 
• last week you sat in your car seat THE WHOLE TIME daddy and i had lunch at sushi zen. seriously a HUGE accomplishment there mr. we were so proud of you. full and proud! thank you buggy. 
• you had two car trips last week where you didn't cry in your car seat! yay! progress! 
• oh, and you can't keep your hands out of your mouth. if you can't tell by these pictures, you love your hands. and you still have no teeth to show for all of the drool thus far. (me and my boobs are ok with that by the way.)

ok little love bug, today is going to rock. happy 4 months to you sweet boy. 

yo' mama.

but i'm the mom

calling all working mamas. this chick is having a hard night and i need to hear from you. tell me it's going to be ok. tell me it's not as bad as i think it's going to be. tell me i will survive. tell me my baby is going to be just fine with three bottle feedings per day while i'm at work. tell me what i want to hear - but tell me the truth. i know it's going to be fine. i know wyatt is going to be MORE than fine. but i'm on the dark side tonight and while i can usually see the bright side just fine, tonight's another story. i know he'll be happy in the hands other people that love him. but i'm the mom. no one will ever love him like i do.

i see all of these stay-at-home mom blogs. and i love them. i'm obsessed with them really. like this one, and this one and this one... but where are the working mom blogs? you know, the one's where the moms who work also breast feed until age one, make their own baby food, and put their little one's in fuzzi bunz diapers? are these things still possible? i plan on doing two of those three things. (while i considered washable diapers, i couldn't imagine having my MIL worry about "my system" [put the diaper shells here, the inserts here, and don't forget to throw the liners here...] it just seemed like too much). i plan on breastfeeding as long as i can. and i plan on making my own baby food. i am not only planning on it, i want this for my baby. and if i want it, i will make it happen. but i am someone that looks to people for inspiration. super mom - are you out there?! send me tips. send me energy. send me peace.

i want it all. i want me time, marriage time, baby time, family time, friend time, etc. i know i can have it all but in smaller doses. i may have only added one element into my life 4 months ago, but that element is top priority. i make time for everything else because these things are important to me. balance is important to me. but here's the thing. four months ago, i swapped out one element for another - work for baby. things are different now. i've got this piece of my heart that i'll be leaving at home everyday. this little piece that's been with me everyday for over a year.

i wish i could bottle up wyatt's smell and take it to work with me. (even if i could do this i'd probably cry every time i opened up said bottle to take a whiff.) i wish i could stop time. (even if i could do this i'd probably only complain that i wish things would start moving again.) i wish i could go back to november 7th (you know, the day AFTER i pushed a baby out of my you-know-what... actually, i'd do it all over again tomorrow. best.birth.ever.) and do the last 4 months all over again.

i can say this: i enjoyed every second of my maternity leave. hey, pregnant friends: i've said this before and i will say this again. enjoy this time. the good and the not as good (because it's ALL good in the end) and promise me you will enjoy your time off with your baby. eat it up. drink it up.

and please, if you figure out a way to bottle it up, pass your trick on to me stat.