and by "it", i mean just another mama-stripe. the magic "get your son to sleep through the night, like every night" stripe. ya, that one.

dear sweet 5 month old - love of my life, why the hell won't you sleep?

ok - now that i got that out of the way, happy 5 months to you! i am thinking this might be the last time i blog about your sleep patterns - good or bad. anytime i think we're making progress in this department, i make the choice to put it out into the blogosphere and ultimately what i do is jinx myself. write no more. perhaps we'll figure this thing out.

we had the best weekend with you, despite our having to rally each day. we can't believe 5 months have already FLOWN by and we get to enjoy new milestones with you everyday. only one more month until you get to taste some real food, kiddo. you're watching us like hawks when we eat dinner, looking at us, curiously wondering why it is you aren't getting a bite of steak, turkey, tacos, or spaghetti. soon, my sweet, soon. until then, i will hold your sweet baby-ness dear to me - clawing at it to not slip away too fast.

:: this is you, sleeping. during the day. we need night sleep kiddo. ::

you got sick this week, buggy. it was so sad and your mama and daddy felt so so so bad for you. you were such a trooper. your daddy was sick on tuesday with a 24 hour bug, and unfortunately you ended up with it on wednesday. we went for a walk wednesday night and you looked a little pale, but you are pretty much our little powder - boy anyway, so some extra-pale wasn't all that noticeable. when we got home from our walk, we waited for daddy to come in from the garage in his office chair. i took a spin with you, stupidly thinking you'd think it was hilarious and love it. not so much. you pretty much turned green and i could feel your little body tense up as you lost your breakfast, lunch, and dinner all over us. i begged with you to not be sick. i told daddy when he came back in that i surely just through off your equilibrium (no big deal) and that's why you barfed. we made our way to the tub, you got your color back, and i felt a little less guilty. that lasted about 2 and a half minutes before the pattern continued in the sink in our bathroom, on daddy, in the tub, on your changing pad, on mama, in your bed, on daddy, and so on.  i called aunt erin and while she made me feel better that it wasn't i who made you sick, but in fact you probably had the same bug as daddy. daddy went to the store and got some pedialyte which ultimately saved us and you cuddled with me the remainder of the night until 12am, until daddy took night shift with you. i had to leave for work at 6:15am, and i held back tears as i drove into the office and prayed i wouldn't get sick too. you were such a big kid and by the time i got home thursday night, you were pretty much back to your old tricks. phew.

:: your daddy surprised me with this picture on monday night. 

so nerdy, yet so perfect. ::

today marks your first easter - and while you treated today like any other sunday (besides the fact that the weather was an absolute perfect 73 degrees, not a cloud in the sky) you did get a little something extra in the way of an easter basket. you'll thank me later, i know it. i got you a few fun things, like the peter rabbit book, a cute bunny book series, a new mini jelly cat bunny, some aiden light weight lovies, and this super cute bamboo teether, that actually looks like little bunny ears, from indie bambinos on etsy.

this past month i enjoyed so many things about you... to name a few:

1. your slobbery kisses, and the way you pull my face into yours so you can bite my nose.
2. your dimply hands and the way you discover new things to do with them everyday.
3. the way you smile at anyone who even looks like they are smiling your way... you get so into anyone telling a story, or being animated in anyway.
4. the way you scour the room looking for me when we're with a group of people.
5. the way you stare at daddy, waiting for him to entertain you.
6. your new love for maddie girl.
7. the way you giggle until you get hiccups - especially when you are tired.
8. the love i feel from you the moment i walk in the door after work.
9. the seriousness in which you take your jump-a-roo... you bounce in this thing like it's your job, straight faced and serious.
10. the way you cuddle when you are sick. i hate when you get sick, but i love the sweet cuddles i get from you. i love knowing that i can soothe you and cuddle you and love you. i'd do anything to make you feel better little love bug.

i know there are a ton more. i could go on and on. oh yah... a few more:

11. the way you smell. even when you are punky.
12. how studly you look in collared shirts.
13. your sweet fuzz head - the way your hair is growing in gets me.
14. the way you chatter box.
15. how you put your head in my neck when i squat you to sleep (we've moved past the bouncy ball... now you prefer that i do about 100 squats each night so you can fall asleep - my ass and legs thank you).

:: pretty much my favorite picture of you from the week ::

ok, all for now perfect boy. thank you for being the chocolate on my vanilla ice cream, the sour cream on my taco, and the java chips in my frappacino.

love,
yo' mama

let's get honest

:: new buddies - he's obsessed with my maddie girl. 

the feeling is not yet mutual :: 

this week was hard. i said it. for the first time since going back to work, i felt the two-sided guilt. guilty when i'm not home has been an emotion i've felt since the first time i left wyatt for an extended amount of time. since going back to work, the wave usually only comes as i leave in the morning and by the time i've got my starbucks, i'm usually distracted by the days events ahead. this week our global team got together for the first time in 18 months and is was so much fun having everyone here. we had long days and three evening events planned and i knew that it was going to be hard on me. i wanted to be realistic and try and balance as best i could. ty had a work event on thursday evening, and my team event was planned for tuesday. we had another fun event planned for wednesday and an optional dinner on thursday.

before wyatt, i'd go to all three, no questions asked. but it's different now.

i decided to go to the team dinner on tuesday and ty was sweet enough to bring him to the offsite during our lunch hour so i could see the two of them, nurse the babe, etc. it made my day. i had a great evening with the team and the waves of guilt were minimal. when i got home i was pooped and ready for bed. wyatt - not so much. he was my little cling-on that night. while at the team event i had decided that i would really like to go to the dinner on wednesday with the entire team, but after the night we had, my instincts told me otherwise. i just felt ilke i needed to be home on wednesday - especially since ty was going to be gone on thursday night. "family time" is super important to me - time where it's the three of us home together is an absolute must for me. without it, i feel super disconnected from... well, life. (ty did send me little videos like this that i live for!)

but. wednesday night sucked. wyatt was a mess, i was a mess, ty had things to do to get ready for thursday and i was absolutely exhausted. and, i felt incredibly guilty for not being with my team. guilty when i am not home, guilty when i am.

by thursday morning, i felt like i had this huge lump in my throat for a large majority of the day, and on my drive home i was so worked up i had convinced myself that if i were to walk in the door to see wyatt upset, i'd burst into tears.

you know that scene in mrs. doutfire when sally field comes home after the first day robin williams' dresses up as the nanny? the house is pristine? the kids are in a great mood and doing their homework? food's on the table? yah. well, that was me. i walked in the door and i heard the sweet sounds of my mother in law playing with wyatt on the couch. as i turned the corner, i received the warmest, drooliest welcome from my sweet boy. the house was perfectly tidy, there was no laundry on the floor, bottles were soaking, pillows were fluffed, bed was made. ty had done all the laundry before he left and made the bed. it was the absolute best moment of my week. voni, you are amazing. thank you for all of the things you do, even though you think they are teeny tiny nothings. they are huge everythings. i love you.

so - pictures of the babe are limited this week, but here are my faves. this kid kills me. i continue to be packed to the brim with confetti hearts for him. if you shook me i swear to god, confetti would sprinkle from me.

this last one here? my. god. obsessed. seriously i can't get enough of this face. this expression fills my love tank.

little buggy is going to be 5 month old this week.

my love - hate relationship with time continues.