there's something about your first baby, and i know that now. of course there is something about your second too - and i'm sure your third, fourth and fifth if you are so lucky (or crazy - whichever you prefer). but my first made me a mama. wyatt has paved the way and shaped me into the person i am today, the mom i always wanted to be. i know this now, more than ever. he brought new meaning to an already pretty amazing life - making it amaze balls, you know, the infinity of amazing. he's my "big kid" now. a big boy. and it really feels like it just happened overnight. maybe because it did. on august 6th, he was the only baby i knew. my little guy. my bambino. my monkey. on august 7th, he was brand new to me again. he was bright eyed, and more ready than i knew to be a big brother. i will never forget that moment where he saw his sister for the first time. the moment that defined our family of four. this meeting made it real. and oh how sweet it was. and it's already been (2 days shy of) 3 weeks, and the excitement he has and the love he shows to summer is just as fresh as it was that first moment. i know that when these two have their tough moments over the years, i'll look back on that first morning where it was us, on the bed. me holding both my littles, while ty took pictures and videos of this time we had imagined for the 10 months prior. i'll remember my heart. and how full it was. how i had never seen that smile on wyatt's face before. and at the same time, i knew mine had never been bigger or more real. i was so proud. i didn't care that i had slept for an hour, or that my whole body ached from awkwardly pushing my girl out in the bath tub only 6 hours before. or how my lady parts felt elephantitis-ish. or that my hair looked like dreads. or that my gut was out - loud and proud. or that i hadn't brushed my teeth for well over 24 hours. none of that mattered because i had my sweet boy, my little lady, and a husband that is a true partner - in every sense of the word.

i've had about 21 days to take this all in, and i feel like i'll need the next 21 years to digest this life we've created. i feel like nothing really reminds you of how fast times goes until you have kids. the change in them every day is this constant reminder to cherish every stage of their life because before you know it, they don't need you (like this) anymore.

i'm a sappy mama tonight, who loves her life and... who hasn't taken her placenta pills. i'm grateful to be here, living and soaking this time in. today was a good day, despite the every two hour wake up calls last night. it's funny how us mamas just learn to rally, isn't it? (i try very hard to not think about the fact that i probably won't get a full night of uninterrupted sleep for most likely another year.)

we're adjusting, and seeing giant strides in our big kid's ability to show love to his sister without literally strangling or suffocating her. which allows me to breath a huge sigh of relief, knowing that what every one keeps telling me has to be true:

it gets better.

open your mind >> placenta encapsulation

about 5 minutes after annie and i found out we were going to be pregnant together, she sent me a link about placenta encapsulation. for those of you that have no idea what this is, your reaction right now is pretty much the same as mine was i'm sure... wtf is that? this isn't the exact post, but it was something like this... i read it, and my mind opened.

my post partum experience with wyatt wasn't horrible, but when i look back, it wasn't cray-cray free either. remember this post? i had my crazy moments, and when i thought about having another baby, with another baby, i knew i needed to do whatever i could to set myself up for success. i knew i wouldn't have time for any extra roller coaster rides, and if "eating" my placenta would help with that, then why the hell not? there's a reason your body and mind might take a severe crash/dip around that 4-7 day mark after you give birth. you just released one of the most nutrient rich organs from your body. an organ that has been living inside you and providing nutrition and goodness to your little person and to you. without it, your body is forced to rebalance really quickly. this is hard work - and will obviously cause you to not feel like yourself. i didn't want an extreme case of that this time. reducing the risk was really important to me.

annie and i kept it on our radar and as we got closer to the end of our pregnancies we continued to research it. as i got even closer to my due date, i learned that one of our midwife assistants at eastside did it. knowing that i had someone at the birth center that would just take my placenta away immediately after the birth, and magically turn them into little vitamins for me and return them to me within 24-48 hours sounded like a gift from God. sign me up!

less than 48 hours after summer was born, marja personally delivered my pills to me. my placenta made about 145 pills and she told me to take two, three times a day for the first two weeks and then as needed from there. as needed? what did that mean? well, i will tell you - when you feel like you are going crazy, you pop a couple of these suckers and within 30-45 minutes you instantly feel like you took an upper. i can tell that my milk supply boosts during this time, and so does my mood. they've been insanely good for me. i have felt so much better this go round. less crazy, happier, more balanced, and more energy for my little guy.

worth. every. penny. ($150 for me because i am a client at the birth center - i got a little hook up!)

my milk supply has regulated on it's own relatively easy. it also came in without me really even knowing it. i never had any engorgement issues. this might be because of pills, might be because i only went about 9-10 months not breastfeeding. (i literally got pregnant and quit nursing the same weekend i think.) i feel like i also healed "down there" a lot faster this time than last time. also a bonus when you have a toddler. you want to spend as little time "toddling" after them! i also went to my post partum check up and my uterus was already completely back to it's normal home and it's normal size. (my belly fat - not so much -- in due time!)

some argue that the verdict is still out about this whole thing, but honestly even if it's mental, taking these pills have helped me. even if it has been due to the placebo effect. i'll take it.

so, the short of it is this -- i know it sounds "gross" and "weird" but if my mental state and overall disposition is kinder, more balanced, happier, and better to be around, then i'll encapsulate "gross" and "weird" any day of the week.