dear mama

i heard this song that's playing today for the first time and thought of you. you gave me this (not that useful but i love it anyway) gift to really listen to the words to songs. i love hearing a song for the first time and deciding if it means anything to me. we've talked about this before... how we only really like a song if it relates to us in some way. our favorite songs are the one's where we picture someone singing them about us. you know - those old boyfriend songs... the boyfriends we had in high school that we think still think about us that really don't. our next favorite songs are the one's we are singing to shitty ex's. these are fun too. of course we love the songs that make us think of each other.

one of my most favorite memories is of you, is with you, trev and i in the pine street house in the bedroom downstairs that ended up being you and dad's room but for some reason i think it was the workout room before that. you were in your 80s workout gear, and i feel like it was late. in my mind i feel like it was a friday night after a long work week for you and you wanted to get a workout in even though you were exhausted from the week (something i can now totally get by the way) but you still wanted to spend time with us. you let us stay up late. anyway, we were listening to genesis. and that one song came on... and i can't remember the name right now, but it was the one where it had the drum solo in the middle and you hit the floor with your hands perfectly to the beat of the song. i remember thinking it was so cool how you thought to do that. i remember this moment, just the three of us, every time i hear that song. and whenever it gets to the drum part, i picture you, barely late 20s, pounding the floor perfectly to the beat.

i'll always remember the summer before 4th grade. that was the summer we rocked out to reba mcintire. specifically, fancy. another song where i will always think of you and the windows rolled down in your red sentra as we sang as loud as we possibly could, driving trevor crazy in the back seat. we had the best time.

alanis brought us together when i was going through my awkward stage. whenever i hear iris, i picture you on the steps in the UP house the day after you dropped me off at western, crying because you missed me so much. sheryl crow was our third wheel my favorite summer home from college. katy perry has sure come through for us too.

i know this past 17 months have been full of mixed emotion. there have been very hard days, but there have been some pretty amazing ones too. you are graceful and strong. you are new. you are sparkling. own it.

love you.

p.s. congrats.