dear summer james >> pre-game letter

i wrote this to summer about 40 hours before her actual delivery...

8.5.2013
7:55am

daddy took this at 7:15am today. we're ready! 

well, good morning sweet girl. at 41 weeks along, i woke up to a bit of "action" this morning. nothing drastic, or shocking but just enough to let me know you aren't going to stay in there forever. every morning for the last couple of weeks i've woken up, walked to the bathroom, and wondered, is today the day? my water broke on the potty first thing last time, and that's what kick started the day. that's all i really know to expect or look for really. and i kind of just assumed it would happen like that again. every day it's been groundhog's day. nothing. no sign of you. no sign of labor. no "this is it".

until today.

at 6:30am.

i've been having some light contractions for the last several days, but mostly in the evenings. i'd go to bed each night thinking that maybe i'd wake up in a few short hours to some serious contractions and a half a night's sleep. but every morning i'd wake up to the sun and the sounds of your sweet big brother in his room. i'd be bummed, but then grateful for the night's sleep and another day to prepare for your little (or big!) arrival. today i know you're on your way.

you are on your way.

omg.

it's not like i haven't had time, like serious time, especially over the last week to prepare for this moment. it's so odd knowing that our first moments are right in front of us now. it's strange to think that even though you've been cooking in there, and that your arrival has been inevitable, it's really not until now that i realize this is it. this is real. you are working in there, and we're about to do this.

and ouch.

i'm going to soak up what little time i have left of what i will call "comfortableness". because oh little love, we're about to work hard to get you here. (i'm actually having a contraction now that is so manageably sweet... little, but strong and noticeable. oh how i wish they could all be like this!) it's weird knowing what to expect with labor now. with your brother, i had no clue. i felt excited and empowered simply by the unknown. today, i sure as hell know how hard this is going to be. i still feel empowered, but the knowing makes it a little bit (or a lot) more daunting.

we can do it.

can't wait to meet you summer james. little girl. littlest love.

love you more than words,

your mama.