i wrote this to summer about 40 hours before her actual delivery...

8.5.2013
7:55am

daddy took this at 7:15am today. we're ready! 

well, good morning sweet girl. at 41 weeks along, i woke up to a bit of "action" this morning. nothing drastic, or shocking but just enough to let me know you aren't going to stay in there forever. every morning for the last couple of weeks i've woken up, walked to the bathroom, and wondered, is today the day? my water broke on the potty first thing last time, and that's what kick started the day. that's all i really know to expect or look for really. and i kind of just assumed it would happen like that again. every day it's been groundhog's day. nothing. no sign of you. no sign of labor. no "this is it".

until today.

at 6:30am.

i've been having some light contractions for the last several days, but mostly in the evenings. i'd go to bed each night thinking that maybe i'd wake up in a few short hours to some serious contractions and a half a night's sleep. but every morning i'd wake up to the sun and the sounds of your sweet big brother in his room. i'd be bummed, but then grateful for the night's sleep and another day to prepare for your little (or big!) arrival. today i know you're on your way.

you are on your way.

omg.

it's not like i haven't had time, like serious time, especially over the last week to prepare for this moment. it's so odd knowing that our first moments are right in front of us now. it's strange to think that even though you've been cooking in there, and that your arrival has been inevitable, it's really not until now that i realize this is it. this is real. you are working in there, and we're about to do this.

and ouch.

i'm going to soak up what little time i have left of what i will call "comfortableness". because oh little love, we're about to work hard to get you here. (i'm actually having a contraction now that is so manageably sweet... little, but strong and noticeable. oh how i wish they could all be like this!) it's weird knowing what to expect with labor now. with your brother, i had no clue. i felt excited and empowered simply by the unknown. today, i sure as hell know how hard this is going to be. i still feel empowered, but the knowing makes it a little bit (or a lot) more daunting.

we can do it.

can't wait to meet you summer james. little girl. littlest love.

love you more than words,

your mama.

mini bucket list

i think this could be the last time i have "just me at home" time for quite some time. ty took wyatt to a car show and i am home. waiting. waiting for any sign of summer's arrival. so far, notta. i will say i have checked a few things off my mini "before SJ" bucket list though as i've waited.

things like...

1. laid back mornings with my little guy. mornings that start around 6am but are made up of cozy toddler morning eyes, holding his blanky in the middle of our bed. i love watching him drink his bottle, to the sound of a fan and sound machine. he's been loving watching "beebee" in bed, which is his way of asking to watch his 1 year slide show. the first time he watched it a couple of weeks ago, i balled and balled. now it's safe to say i am immune to it and can easily respond, tearless, as he points out "mama", "dada", "beebee" and "cacton" (which is his bff, paxton).

2. best friend pregnant time with annie. we got time together on sunday and tuesday, right before she went into labor on wednesday. it really was just what i needed. a few more chats about whats to come, a few pep talks for each of us, reminiscing about this dream come true of being pregnant together, and some gripes about it too. we even squeezed in one more prenatal appointment, together with dumond which we are sure brought her labor on. (the last time we all went to a baby appoinment together, she went into labor at 2am with ali du. this time i started at 1am.)

3. seeing annie bring life into this world, exactly how she wanted. she beautifully and naturally delivered her sweet boy on the most gorgeous day, july 24th. it was a moment i wouldn't, couldn't, miss. i am so proud of her and so inspired and amazed by her strength. she made it look so easy. i'm honestly freaking out about doing it again, but it's because of her that i know i can. it was a true gift to be there.

4. some much needed quiet time with ty. good conversations over nap time have been so nice. we even had an uninterrupted at home lunch together yesterday that i loved every second of. it's been nice to talk about what's to come, how prepared/not prepared we are. what we think it might be like, how we'll support each other, what we might not expect. lots to think about, and plan for. but not a lot we can really do at this point, but wait. together.

5. play dates with the stookey's - i'm so beyond grateful to have the most amazing friends that also happen to live right next door to us. paxton is wyatt's bestie and being that they are 6 weeks apart, they are hilarious together. we've been able to squeeze in a few of these and i'll tell ya one thing - it definitely helps to have this sanctuary to go to when you are fully cooked. lisa is also pregnant which makes for an even better time. love these friends beyond words.

at this point, i feel like she's never going to come. i really feel like i might be pregnant forever. you see, i didn't go this long with wyatt. i never got to this place. this mental place of "seriously, i am STILL pregnant????". i am not overdue yet. but in my mind i am because i already went by this point last time. my water broke out of the blue with him, completely caught me off guard. now i am just waiting. anticipating. i'm anxious. i'm ready. as ready as i will be.

any day now. tick tock little girl. i can't wait to meet you. see that face. kiss those cheeks. wrap you in my arms as i thank each and every star in the sky that it's over. you are out, and i can breath again for the first time in 9 months.

that's all.