this picture pretty much sums up what this kid thinks of "swim lessons". he wasn't all that impressed. he looked around a lot, but we didn't get any smiles while he was in the water. 

but this guy obviously feels differently. 

we went with the stookey's, and it's fair to say that jay and pax had a lot more fun together. 

we also lied about wyatt's age to get him in. if anyone asks, i am just going to say "his dad got his birthday wrong by a month. sorry about that." we figured he turns 6 months in a week. sue me. 

perhaps he just isn't mature enough yet to enjoy what swim lessons have to offer? 

lisa and i were in hysterics over the third picture of this series. as you can imagine. we realized throughout today's lesson though that we'd be in the water next sunday. probably definitely directing the guys to "take the pictures from above" and "watch the chin" and "wait, i wasn't ready". 

it will all be worth it though. because we're making memories with our boys. we'll be reminded of how sweet our lives are. we'll feel lucky to have these moments with them. we'll feel lucky that we get to do it together. 

just like we know these guys did today. 

making memories >> tulip festival 2012

this is what you do on a saturday night when you are a mama. alone. with a sleeping baby. you blog about a day you absolutely loved. you blog about it because you wish it wasn't over. 

today, the sun was a' shining in WA state. in april. us washingtonians get our butts outside when the suns a' shining. that's what we do. we're no dummies. we know it can change in a matter of seconds. we drink it up. vitamin d feeds our souls after cold, dark, and rainy winters. 

i'm thankful for a beautiful day of sunshine, tulips, and making memories with friends we call our family. 

it doesn't really get much better than that. 

well, except for maybe a little of this... 

just us, making memories.

my favorite.

moving on

last night we celebrated my grandpa's 80th birthday (4.12.32). my mom organized the best night. my grandpa may be 80 years old, but this guy is in the best shape and is still as sharp as a tack. i often joke that my grandparents froze age-wise when they were in their late 50s. i'll always picture them as young and in their prime.

this picture, along with the majority of the pictures taken last night, was taken by one of the best 13 year old photographers i've ever met - my little sweet bro, cam. when i see this picture of my grandparents, loving on each other after 50+ years of marriage, they continue to inspire me. they continue to be my example.

my grandma's birthday is on tuesday, so together they blew out their candles on their own separate cakes. my grandma has always taken candle blowing and wish making very seriously, as you can see in the picture below. she never tells us her wish, but i always like to think i know what it is.

my dad also shares an april birthday with my grandparents - his birthday was on friday. my grandparents adore my dad, always have - always will. my dad made a point to show to this birthday celebration and i know that it meant the world to them. they will always think of him as a son. always. and to me, it really doesn't get much better than that. to know, that even after all of these years, after divorce, our family can still sit down and celebrate each other. love each other. and laugh.

it was fun to look around the table and see a group of people that know how to move on. we are strong enough to move forward.

i'm thankful for family today. grateful that i have been apart of such an amazing family, and grateful for the opportunity to start my own.

and a special note for cam: thank you buddy for taking SUCH amazing pictures last night. i think you've got something here. you've got some natural talent and we can't wait to see more from you. these are some of my most favorite pictures and i hope that when you see them you are proud of yourself. be proud kiddo - these aren't just pictures, these are captured moments. i love you. 

liquid gold

i have to blog about this. i have to capture this time in my life where i obsess over something i never in my life expected to obsess over. this whole breast feeding thing is amazing - really, it is. i absolutely LOVE the bond it has created between wyatt and i. i knew i was going to love it before i even gave birth to wyatt. i used to have dreams about breastfeeding, and i could feel the bond, even in my dreams. it was real and it was vivid.

but holy crap, those first two weeks sucked. i said it. one of my dearest friends used to compare the first two weeks of nursing to having a really bad case of short term tourette syndrome. it took about three days for me to totally get it. the first 20 seconds of wyatt's latch were absolute misery. i would rattle off curse words, in no particular order, but frantically hoping that the distraction of saying them would prevent me from throwing my newborn son across the room. i mean, ouch. there were times where i'd even prefer to give birth to him again because the lollipop head experience was beyond easier than what i was experiencing. (there are a few "other" postpartum experiences i WON'T write about in here that also took a close second to the actual sensations of giving birth.)

i got through it - and it was totally worth it. new mamas out there, and soon to be's, you can do it. you freaking had a baby. your nips can take the pain. it really only lasts 2 weeks - and buy these for sure. they saved my life. and my shirts for that matter. i didn't leak through a million shirts in those early days where i was producing enough milk for quadruplets. also, more advice - pump and freeze early if you can! i have to leave on my first over-night on sunday and am so regulated by supply and demand, i haven't been able to save a lot up for my kiddo! which brings me to the reason i am writing this post.

do i really actually hook myself up to an obnoxious sounding machine every day like a farmer does to his cows? do i really obsess over every last drop as if i'm a ridiculous collector of gold? do i really think that if one tiny drop escapes from the valves or membranes or shields (all terms i had no idea i would ever come to know because i never imagined pumping to involve so many pieces and parts - i learned this the hard way in maui if you recall) onto the floor of my man-made impromptu pumping station in my office will really make a difference in the number of ounces i take home that day.

the answer to all of these questions is YES. (and an embarrassing YES to that last one in particular.)

i literally, after every "session" peel back what medela refers to as a "membrane" just to save about 4 drops of milk. totally worth it. yes. it is. to me.

i recently heard this quote and it was my now-version of what oprah would call an a-ha moment: "whoever said 'don't cry over spilled milk' was obviously not a nursing mother". i know some of you are still with me here and going "ok, yah. i don't get it. what is the BFD?"

i'll tell you.

because hooking yourself up to an obnoxious sounding machine on a daily basis, every 3-4 hours, is not really a good time. in fact, most of the time its at the most inconvenient time. my personal favorite: 2am. you know, when everyone in your house is sleeping, and you wish you were because you are the one that actually needs it because you don't get to take a nap the next day. not that i'm complaining. i'm just being honest here folks. pumping isn't fun, and spilling what you've just extracted from yourself is wasted time. time you don't have to waste. time you wish you were doing anything but (my second favorite) sitting on the floor in the corner of your office because that's the only place there's a convenient and accessible electrical outlet. good times.

but let's circle back here. nursing is amazing. it's special and it's empowering. (... and all this talk about if women should breastfeed in public is annoying me. i said that too. aren't there bigger issues to discuss and even argue. really? are we seriously arguing about how and where and when women should feed their babies?) my obsession with my milk production continues as do the conversations i have with my husband about my boobs. even right now, he's shaking his head in disbelief that i'm even writing about this topic. it's been awhile since i've blogged with what some would call inappropriate honesty.

this inappropriate honesty happens to be the story of my life right now - and who better to share it with?

thanks for listening. and am i alone here?  i know of a few readers that are with me for sure, and this one's for you.

regards,

crazy-obsessed milk producer, avoider of all spills and waste

earnin' it

and by "it", i mean just another mama-stripe. the magic "get your son to sleep through the night, like every night" stripe. ya, that one.

dear sweet 5 month old - love of my life, why the hell won't you sleep?

ok - now that i got that out of the way, happy 5 months to you! i am thinking this might be the last time i blog about your sleep patterns - good or bad. anytime i think we're making progress in this department, i make the choice to put it out into the blogosphere and ultimately what i do is jinx myself. write no more. perhaps we'll figure this thing out.

we had the best weekend with you, despite our having to rally each day. we can't believe 5 months have already FLOWN by and we get to enjoy new milestones with you everyday. only one more month until you get to taste some real food, kiddo. you're watching us like hawks when we eat dinner, looking at us, curiously wondering why it is you aren't getting a bite of steak, turkey, tacos, or spaghetti. soon, my sweet, soon. until then, i will hold your sweet baby-ness dear to me - clawing at it to not slip away too fast.

:: this is you, sleeping. during the day. we need night sleep kiddo. ::

you got sick this week, buggy. it was so sad and your mama and daddy felt so so so bad for you. you were such a trooper. your daddy was sick on tuesday with a 24 hour bug, and unfortunately you ended up with it on wednesday. we went for a walk wednesday night and you looked a little pale, but you are pretty much our little powder - boy anyway, so some extra-pale wasn't all that noticeable. when we got home from our walk, we waited for daddy to come in from the garage in his office chair. i took a spin with you, stupidly thinking you'd think it was hilarious and love it. not so much. you pretty much turned green and i could feel your little body tense up as you lost your breakfast, lunch, and dinner all over us. i begged with you to not be sick. i told daddy when he came back in that i surely just through off your equilibrium (no big deal) and that's why you barfed. we made our way to the tub, you got your color back, and i felt a little less guilty. that lasted about 2 and a half minutes before the pattern continued in the sink in our bathroom, on daddy, in the tub, on your changing pad, on mama, in your bed, on daddy, and so on.  i called aunt erin and while she made me feel better that it wasn't i who made you sick, but in fact you probably had the same bug as daddy. daddy went to the store and got some pedialyte which ultimately saved us and you cuddled with me the remainder of the night until 12am, until daddy took night shift with you. i had to leave for work at 6:15am, and i held back tears as i drove into the office and prayed i wouldn't get sick too. you were such a big kid and by the time i got home thursday night, you were pretty much back to your old tricks. phew.

:: your daddy surprised me with this picture on monday night. 

so nerdy, yet so perfect. ::

today marks your first easter - and while you treated today like any other sunday (besides the fact that the weather was an absolute perfect 73 degrees, not a cloud in the sky) you did get a little something extra in the way of an easter basket. you'll thank me later, i know it. i got you a few fun things, like the peter rabbit book, a cute bunny book series, a new mini jelly cat bunny, some aiden light weight lovies, and this super cute bamboo teether, that actually looks like little bunny ears, from indie bambinos on etsy.

this past month i enjoyed so many things about you... to name a few:

1. your slobbery kisses, and the way you pull my face into yours so you can bite my nose.
2. your dimply hands and the way you discover new things to do with them everyday.
3. the way you smile at anyone who even looks like they are smiling your way... you get so into anyone telling a story, or being animated in anyway.
4. the way you scour the room looking for me when we're with a group of people.
5. the way you stare at daddy, waiting for him to entertain you.
6. your new love for maddie girl.
7. the way you giggle until you get hiccups - especially when you are tired.
8. the love i feel from you the moment i walk in the door after work.
9. the seriousness in which you take your jump-a-roo... you bounce in this thing like it's your job, straight faced and serious.
10. the way you cuddle when you are sick. i hate when you get sick, but i love the sweet cuddles i get from you. i love knowing that i can soothe you and cuddle you and love you. i'd do anything to make you feel better little love bug.

i know there are a ton more. i could go on and on. oh yah... a few more:

11. the way you smell. even when you are punky.
12. how studly you look in collared shirts.
13. your sweet fuzz head - the way your hair is growing in gets me.
14. the way you chatter box.
15. how you put your head in my neck when i squat you to sleep (we've moved past the bouncy ball... now you prefer that i do about 100 squats each night so you can fall asleep - my ass and legs thank you).

:: pretty much my favorite picture of you from the week ::

ok, all for now perfect boy. thank you for being the chocolate on my vanilla ice cream, the sour cream on my taco, and the java chips in my frappacino.

love,
yo' mama