sj, sissy poo - you're 5 months today. 

right now, you're bouncing in your jungle bouncer, talking away to the little flappy birds that hang over your head. your focused little expression is so funny. you purse out those little lips of yours, grabbing away at the toys and rattles. you're starting to figure out that when you bounce it plays music. your toes touch the ground just barely, but it's just enough for you to push yourself up and move around in there. you are starting to really learn how to put things into your mouth and entertain yourself by pulling your binky in and out. these probably all sound like such boring things to you. but i'm amazed at how quickly you little babes grow up. how much you learn, how fast you pick up on new little tricks. you can grab your feet now, but i notice you only do it when you have no clothes on. naturally. you squeal and laugh often. you shout to get attention - it cracks me up. you are more and more entertained by your brother by the day. i cross my fingers that he doesn't hurt you as you he creeps his way closer saying, "hi baby. hi. hi baby. hi summer. hi. hi. hi baby." he's obsessed. he loves you and despises you in the same second sometimes. don't take it personal. it won't last forever. 

you're full of life already. such a fun personality. so open, friendly, happy, and warm. i continue to notice how frigging happy you are. you aren't going to be a boring kiddo, that's for sure. i can already see your little sense of humor popping through. you are going to be silly. i can tell. 

sometimes i worry about you. not for any real reason other than i'd die without you. us mamas (and daddys) worry more than we'd like sometimes. every scary story on the news of something that happened to a little babe, every weird sounding cough, or any image of something bad happening to you. we are just so blessed to have two healthy babes, and i realize often that everyone isn't so lucky. i never want to take our health for granted. 

you are amazing. today, tomorrow, always. 

love,

mama.

first time crazy mom

dear wyatt - tomorrow, you'll be 26 months old. two years, two months. two years ago, you were this little monkey. scrawny legged, unsure of this world you live in, and definitely unsure about your crazy parents. we were so new at this whole parenting thing. i was so up tight. i look back on your first two months, and compare it to your sisters, and man. you poor baby. i was such a first time mom. over bathing you meant you always had dry skin. and over feeding you made you such a little barfer. i've learned so much about being a mom, at your expense my little munchkin.

here's the honest truth. i was a first time mom with you when you were born, and despite having another babe, in many ways i'll always parent you like the first time mom i was two years ago. everything we do with you is a first. every stage is unchartered territory my love.

hang on tight, kiddo. and i'm sorry for being such a rookie. i think i'll always be a rookie with you, and you'll always think i am crazy.

at least you'll always know i love you. that will make up for it. it has to.

looking ahead // 2014

we're here. in 2014. and i know it's going to be a year of gratitude, balance, and peace. i just know it.

ty and i went to dinner last night, just us. albeit at 4:30, but dinner as a couple on NYE nonetheless. and it was perfect. we talked, and talked. and talked some more. we reminisced, planned, and looked ahead. we talked about what we hoped we'd be reflecting on in a year from now. our hopes for our kids, our family, and each other. our priorities.

it's easy with kids to forget about us. each other. it's easy to be too tired. too overwhelmed. too careless. too lazy.

too whatever.

none of those things are good enough of excuses, because at the end of the day we're living the life we always dreamed of. but if we're really being honest, it's not good enough to just live that life. we need to feel it, appreciate it, and never take this hand we've been dealt for granted. it seems there have been a lot of reminders lately - big ones, and small ones - that tell us to trust our guts, and love this life we have created a little, or a lot more. and it really does start with us. our marriage.

here's to not being too tired, too overwhelmed, too careless and too lazy. here's to loving each other more. thanking each other more. laughing with each other more. it's time to look ahead to our next NYE dinner, holding hands and looking back on 2014 feeling gratitude, balance, and peace.

cheers to you, and whatever your hopes are for the year ahead.