hi sunshine girl - you are already 4 months old. dying here. seriously. how in the heck has time sped up so significantly since you arrived, my love?

i am sorry that my letters to you sound so redundant. i love you so much, i really need a new word for love. and for obsessed. and for lucky. i need a new phrase for "dream come true".

you had your check up a few days ago - 14 lbs, 2 oz - 80th percentile on length, 52nd for weight, and 48th for head. still taking after me in the pin-head department. your sleeping… better. that's all i will say. you're in the magic sleep suit, which is a crack up and a half. you smile all. the. time. still. never stop, please? the dimple is going to get you so far in life, i promise you that. (obligatory insert: you're brain will too - that also matters.) you love your hands, and you still always seem to find that thumb of yours. you chatter a ton. you're showing no signs of rolling over any time soon. you like to be upright, watching and snooping at everything around you. you seem to be more patient with your crazy brother, as he learns to be less of a head butter. good times. you two had your first interaction a couple of nights ago while he was in the tub. you were smiling at each other, and laughing and it was a glimpse into the future. it made my heart sing. i literally felt it do a triple axle in my chest when it happened. the first of many times i stop to engrain a memory of you two into my brain so that i never ever forget it. one of those moments i will flash to when you both are older, with littles of your own. it was a flash of the special relationship you both will have as you grow together.

you filled a gaping hole in my heart the moment i saw you. and you continue to make me better, stronger, happier, and more focused then i've ever been. you, my girl, came right when i needed you most.

happy 4 months to you. and to us, the family i always imagined i'd be so lucky to have.

love times infinity,

your mama.

and it's happening

kiddos. littlest loves of my life. i go back to work this week. and as much as i hate to think about not being with you like i have these past 4 months, i know it's going to be ok. i know it's going to be ok because we are a strong crew. an adaptable crew that always does better with change that we expect. and by we, i mean me. it seems that the anticipation of change is always, always, always more dramatic than the change itself. i remember this today, and will remind myself often over the next two days.

we're ok. we'll always be ok.

see - the drama!?!?!?

i'm actually excited to switch things up a bit - spread the wealth as it relates to the sleep deprivation that reared its head when SJ was born. you're dad is so excited to get a piece of that, i tell ya what. he can't stop talking about it. chick - if you start sleeping through the night on tuesday night i will kiss you a million times before heading to work on wednesday. that being said, if you sleep through the night on tuesday night and give your dad an out i might just die.

wyatt - my little dream boat. you and i are pretty tight these days. i know it's going to be more of an adjustment for your sister than it is you, because you and i have had the same routine practically the whole time i've been off. but i think the part that will be hardest for us is that when we are together, i am going to really be spreading myself between you two babes. since i've been with summer 1:1 during the days you go to school, it's easier for me to want to focus on you those evenings. now that i won't see either of you, that might be a little rough for this mama. i promise to do my best. and i promise that there will be times my best won't be good enough for you. i'm sorry for that. you'll get over it. right? i went and did my own thing yesterday, and we didn't get a lot of time together. it was pretty apparent at bedtime. around 9:30 you were still tossing and turning after a meltdown with daddy. you wanted me. you don't always want me. most of the time, you're good with whoever puts you down. lately, you'll do whatever to stall bedtime, but i knew last night was different. i saw your little beedy eyes on the monitor looking around the room as you tried your best to get cozy, and i knew your day wasn't over yet. i went in and you popped up. i could see the silhouette of your bed head and i said, "let mama rock you" and you grabbed your blankie and i swooped you up. you were sleepy - and heavy. you sunk into me as we rocked in your glider. your little breathy sounds timed perfectly with each new rock and it only took a few strokes of your little bangs to know you were out. i carried you back to your crib and as you curled into your little sleepy ball, and i covered you with your other blankets, i knew all felt very right again in your world. i'm thankful for my mama instincts on nights like that. and i know we'll have more of those here, which is absolutely more than OK with me little boy.

summer - my little light. where the heck did you come from? could you be a happier, smilier baby? really? you are such an incredible joy. so easy to have around. so breezy. so exactly what i hoped for. when we named you, i pictured this happiness coming into our life just by having you here. but honestly sweet girl, you are your name. you are always in the best mood (assuming hunger and sleep are covered), always bright, and warm, my love. you are such a huge part of the dreams i've had for myself for so long. we have had a great start and i love knowing how much we have to look forward to. i absolutely can not wait to get to know you better - to watch you grow and become you.

i'm going back part time this month, which will help so so so much. i'll be home on tuesdays and fridays with you little munchies and i am going to try to be the best (a.k.a. most calm, most engaged, and most fun) i can be. i know that going back to work will make my time with you even more important to me.  it's still hard having you both by myself, but it's getting so much better. time is the best gift. we're all learning so much right now, and the changes have been so amazingly good for our family.

but i do miss myself sometimes. the fun me. the care free me. the one that isn't always needing help, fearing failure and adapting to change. i know i'm still in there somewhere, and i know that she'll come back to the surface here soon. i can feel it.

i know i'm not alone. and to you other mama's going through something verrrrry similar to me, let me tell you what i need to tell myself more, just like that dang tear jerker of a johnson & johnson commercial says: "you're doing ok, mom".

here's to a week of more changes, more transition. another test of our adaptability, and resiliency. i love this family more than anything in this world. you are, by far, the most precious thing to me. you are my life. my heart. my world.

as we end such a special chapter here, thank you for helping me realize that i get to write my own story. i get to choose how to live this life. because you chose me, and i won't let you down.

love,

mama.

giving thanks today

i, like so many of you, are reflecting today. i try hard to be thankful for this life i have, and the people who make it so incredibly great, every day. i am blessed. i am lucky. i try hard to foster my relationships, be a good friend, wife, and mama. i am not the best, and i am not perfect. by any means. but i do appreciate so much of what i've been given. the good, and even the bad. i am thankful for lessons and for the people that make an imprint on my life - old friends and new ones. those that are still in my life, those that are not. today, i am thankful for my family - the one i've built with my love. 

ty, i thank you today honey. for being you. for loving me. putting up with me everyday. for laughing with me, and at me. for never letting me take myself too seriously. for giving me the most perfect babies. our center. our hearts. our world. you are the most incredible dad to our kids. KIDS! WTH!? you bbq like a son of a gun, you build baby gadgets and gizmos in record time, you mix a mean cocktail, and you definitely know how to have your way with a plunger. you are the most patient, positive, genuine person i know. you remind me to love life, have fun, let loose, and calm down. i love watching you teach wyatt how to do the same. (that's what you get for surrounding yourself with hot tempered scorpios!) thank you for always supporting me. for cheering me on, and reminding me what i am capable of doing. you are my perfect match, and you love me more than you should sometimes. i know i can be a crazy bitch, but this crazy bitch loves you more than i know how to show most of the time. you teach me to love better, and be better everyday. happy thanksgiving, stud.

my sweet kiddos, you guys are everything. you are the mascots of our family - of love. you give me purpose and challenge the heck out of me - hourly. you remind me how strong i am. it's been you two all along -the kids i've dreamed about loving until it hurts. i promise to love you, teach you, trust you, empower you, and obsess over you until i am ashes on your mantles. cool? happy turkey day, turkeys.

and to you, my sweet friends. this life is so amazingly sweet because of you. because without you, the people that love me for me, call me out, stand me up, cheer me on, laugh and cry with me, i'd be a pretty boring chick. i love letting my freak flag fly high with each of you, knowing you'll only love me for it.

giving thanks today, & everyday.

jordan

clarity.

this maternity leave has really been life changing for me. i've had this time with my two littles that has done this mama wonders. it's been the most rewarding, most challenging, hardest but most incredible time for me. i went into this time not quite sure what to expect to be honest. i'm coming out with new perspective (duh) and a completely new appreciation for stay at home mamas. this job is a test of patience i never experienced. and the return on investment, in terms of my time at home, really is priceless. the impact being home has had on our transition to a family of 4 has been huge. i can see it in my little guy - the joy on his face every day when he realizes i am home too when he wakes up melts me. to be here, every day when he wakes up is so special. it might sound so trivial to some, but you working moms know exactly what i mean. those of you that can't always be home in the morning to greet your babes with a squeeze, a kiss and a cup of "hot buk" (aka hot milk) know exactly how special this time is. i was the mom that had to rush out the door by 6 am in order to miss traffic and get on a call while on the road, and then into the office in time for another call at 7am. i was the mom that tiptoed through the house hoping not to see my son because, selfishly, it would be too upsetting for me to know i'd have to leave for the day before getting any quality time in with him. we've always been extremely lucky though. ty was always here when wyatt woke up. he had one of us here everyday when he woke up. (i worked from home on friday's just so i could see his little face in the morning and be the one to change his diaper and wipe his snotty nose before breakfast. i always loved and appreciated that more than words.) i was the mom that rarely stayed home with him if he was sick because it wouldn't be until i was already at work that we'd know something was up with him. ty was always the one rearranging his schedule to be home with him. before i went back to work after having wyatt, ty and i came up with a plan that worked for us. we knew we wanted him to be with us more days a week than he was with anyone else - whether that be my MIL or preschool. ty was with him on mondays, my MIL was here tue-thur and i was with him friday afternoons. 4 days with us, three with my MIL. today, he is with us 4 days and at school 3 days. i'm glad we've stuck to this plan. it makes me feel balanced knowing that his time during the day is split between a place he can be socialized and taught and developed and our home.

it's almost been 4 months since i started my leave. and this time has been hands down, the best, investment i've made for our family. i wouldn't give this time back for anything. and i'll never ever regret taking more than the "standard" time off with our kids.

kids. still getting used to that, 4 months in.

dear sj >> 3 months flew

hi my sweet - holy smokes, did three months fly by. you are a dream come true, that is for sure.

my biggest takeaway from your third month is that you are such a happy baby. you smile constantly. you cry too, but you smile more than your brother did at this age. wyatt's expression of choice was scowl most of his first 4 months. you on the other hand, light us up with dimple filled grins. i still love wearing you. you fight me sometimes, but once i get you in a position where you can still watch what's going on around you, and fall asleep on your own terms, we're usually good to go.

we had our first plane trip together this month, and you did awesome. we went to visit the bowen's in KC and it was so much fun. you proved to be a resilient little thing. thank you for that. the plane trips, the time change, the new environment, and screaming toddlers on our flight home - you rocked it, girl.

your perfect. we love you more than words could ever tell you. i'm going to spend the rest of my life doing all i can to show you. and maybe in return, you'll let me put mascara on these lashes someday.

dear wyatt >> happy birthday, love

today marks the day, two years ago, that this life started. you're life gave mine a kick start i didn't know i needed. i knew how badly i wanted to be a mom, but never did i know how badly i needed to be a mom. i've told you this before and i'll keep telling you - you give me purpose, kid. real purpose. you gave me purpose the moment i kissed those cold cheeks two years ago at 7:21 pm. you gave me purpose during those mid night feedings, ball bouncing sessions, and mustard shit blow outs. this past year you transitioned into a little boy. exactly one year ago, you were still a baby. barely walking, bald as can be, and saying 'truck' here and there. today, not only do you walk like a champ, you freaking RUN everywhere. you have hair - more hair than some like to see on a two year old boy. sue me. and you talk - a LOT. you attempt every word spoken to you and you practically speak in sentences now. you even pretend to talk like your daddy and i do. you pretend to talk on the phone. you interrupt us if we talk without including you. you constantly seek affirmations from us - especially if you see a car that looks like someone's you know (it's actually scary how often you spot cars of the same make and model, even year - but in different colors) - "daddy caaa!" gets increasingly more aggressive until we acknowledge that yes, you indeed do see a car just like daddy's.

you seem to love your life. you seem happy. of course you can't tell me yet how much, but i know you do. i know you love your family. us, your sister, your grandparents, your great grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your best friends. 

today we spent the morning celebrating your first day of 2s at the seattle children's museum. you've never been before and boy were you ready for all it had to offer. you owned that place, exploring every corner, literally turning every rock. you ran like a mad man, your hair blowing in the wind behind you. i felt proud watching your curiosity take over. you're so smart. and you have this understated spirit that consumes me.

i think the love we feel for you overwhelms us at times. it's hard to describe how we feel about you and honestly, as you get older i get worse at it. i feel more overwhelmed at the thought of how big my heart is for you because every day it stretches and grows and takes me over. i look back on that instant love i felt for you the day we met, and i realize that it was really only a tiny itty bitty particle of what was to come. today, this love is so big, there really are no words to do it justice. 

you are my heart. you represent everything that matters to me. you make me better. you own me. 

happy birthday, sweet boy.

progress

ten weeks in, i feel it. progress. i can see that little shimmer of light at the end of what previously felt like a dark, unending tunnel. 

this shit is hard. 

and worth it. beyond measure. 

i felt a shift today. i went into today, knowing i'll be on my own all day and all night, with a sense of confidence i haven't had yet. i wasn't worried. i wasn't scared. i didn't get a tightness in my chest. 

i'll never forget the first time i was left alone with both kids. it was at the 3 week mark. exactly three weeks. wyatt had school that wednesday, but i knew i had to go pick him up from school with summer.  the thought of going into the school with a newborn to pick up my 22 month old scared the shit out of me. she was so tiny, and he seemed so large but still so little. it's hard to explain. i needed two more arms. two more hands. he was (and still is) just so over bearing when she's near him. he's quick and rough, and well, almost 2. and a little boy. and i was (and definitely still am at times) hormonal, protective, and insecure. obviously i had done the newborn thing before, but i hadn't done the newborn thing with my little guy. this was a whole new rodeo.  it was only going to be for a few hours. i could do anything for a few hours. right? i texted annie a stream of concerns. it was an outpouring of the fears and insecurities that had been building up all day. you see, up until that point, we'd been two on two. 21 days of balance. i was about to be out numbered and it was all brand new to me. 

it's so funny looking back to that time - now. i was afraid of my own kids. i doubted myself. i was afraid to be alone with them for a few hours. who was that? that was a new mom of two, a version of myself i didn't know. perspective i needed to gain in order to get to right where i am today. 

of course it's not perfect, and i am still a mess. 

but i am less of a mess. i'm a happy mess more of the time. and this, my friends, is what it's all about. i feel strong. and confident. and i know i am a good mom. and every day, i'm learning to be a better mom to these two kids. 

my kids. 

pretty much.

dear sj >> a look back to your birthday

hello my girl.

we just received all of the images from your birthday. there are so so so many that i love, but want to share a few here that are especially special to me. (jessica at one tree did a post and put together the most amazing slide/video show of this amazing day here as well.) i want you to know what i love most about the images that capture just how special your entrance into this world really was. i love having these for so many reasons but most of all, i can't wait until the day you see these, really see these, and know just how hard i worked to get you here. it was worth all of the struggle you might see, because sweet girl, your birth was everything it was supposed to be.

(you can double click on the image to see it larger if you'd like)

i love everything about the birth center where you were born. i love the way it smells when you walk in, the comfort of the lobby, the feeling of family that wraps around you the moment you sit down for an appointment. the first thing i did when i got to one of our appointments was take my shoes off and curl my feet under me on chris' couch. it's warm there. the picture of me above in the tub, with the candles behind me and reflecting on the tub reminds me of just how warm i felt on your birthday. the love and the light in that room was perfection.

i love every picture of your daddy. this one especially because i know how hard this part was on me - but this picture tells me just how hard it was on your sweet daddy too. at one point i snapped at him as i panicked my way through a contraction. the poor guy. but he stuck with me - like he always has and will. he let me squeeze his hand so tightly i hurt myself as i gripped it. he would squeeze my hand back, and it was the gesture i needed from him - the one that told me i was doing a good job and that i could do it. that i was doing it and that he was right there with me.

i love the pictures of your gramma and i. i know from last time, just how hard this was for her to watch when wyatt was born. she was so much stronger this time. she was strong for me. she knew i could do it when i doubted myself the most. she held my hand with both hands - and i always knew when it was her holding my hand. she's held my hand my whole life. i am always comforted by her sweet touch - she's my mama. i especially love this picture because i look like such a little girl, so it's fitting that it's her looking over me. she looks so confident here. she isn't worried, or scared. she believes in me.

just two weeks prior, your auntie and i were in the same place, just opposite positions. i watched as she brought sweet tate tate bean into the world. he slept in his little bouncy just feet away while she comforted me and cheered me on. i couldn't have done it without her and looking back now, i should have known it would work out the way it did all along. of course we'd have you two kiddos exactly two weeks apart - just the right amount of time we needed in between these two incredibly special and emotional events.

my daddy. he made it. the look on his face in this picture really says it all. he's so proud to be there. he's so happy. his presence was exactly the motivation i needed to get me to home plate. i will absolutely never forget the relief i felt the moment i heard my mom tell me he was there. definitely one of the best moments of my life, period.

kristin - my absolutely amazing doula. holy shit. what would i have done without her? i love this picture so so so much. she loves you sweet girl - she is an absolute angel. she pretty much rocks at her job, plain and simple. i hope she's still doing this when it's your turn chick. i really can't find the words to describe what this woman means to me. hands down, the best investment i've ever made because in the end, she wasn't "just a doula" - she's a lifelong friend. you will know this amazing woman.

chris, our midwife, has the softest hands. i mean, really - again, with the warmth in this place, she's the reason why. i remember this moment all too well. i was at the height of my panicked state here. i was in the most uncomfortable position i had been in. and i was scared. the heat of her hand shot through me. it reminded me that i wasn't alone and when i saw that jessica captured this i think i lost my breath. chris was there for wyatt's birth and she made a point to be there for yours. we were so lucky to have her because chick, this team of ours was irreplaceable.

i love that jessica captured our early moments together without me even realizing she was there. i don't know how she did it, but she did. i love this one so much. you felt so tiny, and you were the best distraction for me in this moment as i was getting "stitched up" and it was anything but cozy until i had you in my arms again.

these pictures of the four of us in the bed - you and me, auntie and tate. we had talked about this moment for many months - 9 to be exact. who would go into labor first, what would you two sweet babes look like, what would it feel like to each have you in our arms knowing that labor was over and together we could step into this next phase together? this was it. we were both done. we both did it. you were both here. it was the best feeling in the world to know that the moments we had talked about and dreamed about were here and we were still us - silly and happy. mamas. proud mamas.

sweetest girl - your birthday was so special. it was perfect. just like you are. thank you for making me work hard for you, for setting the stage for one of the best relationships i'll ever have.

dear summer >> happy 2 months sis!

well, littlest love - you're already two months old and i could swear it was just yesterday that you joined our family. i just got all of your birthday images so i'm working on a post now to share more of those.

our second month together was obviously even better than our first. you continue to be more engaging and the smiles are such a fun surprise. your bro was so serious when he was a little nug. you are this little twinkling star. even in the middle of the night, when i am blearly eyed and doing my best to not be annoyed with the very short spurt of sleep i just experienced, you flash a grin (or 10) at me as i reswaddle you. it is impossible to be annoyed when i see that sweet dimple.  you are a charmer - i know i am dead. you're dad is even worse off. he is so tightly wound around your finger already. i am scared for what's to come. please don't come downstairs in cut off shorts about the size of your undies and a cropped top on. you'll break him.

you and wyatt are continuing to get to know each other. i hold my breath less and less when you two "interact" and you're doing better too - you tend to tense up and freak out when you hear his voice, especially when you nurse. poor girl. yesterday was the first day you ate downstairs while he was only feet away from you! things are looking up.

you took a bottle a couple of weeks ago - you're growing up so fast honey buns. i am already loving every stage. i am looking forward to the stage where you sleep through the night. any day now my love. pretty please? i am definitely having fun with all of the girly things i get to do with you - the accessories especially. loving you in headbands - and each day i learn more about your "style". what i like on you, what your daddy likes. it's fuuuuuun!

you have changed so much since your last monthly shot. you're rollier, and have many more expressions! i am hoping you are animated like your mama. i am dying to see more of your sweet and funny personality. you still have your hilarious cheesy smile, just like you shared with us last month:

you're a gift my love. everyday is like christmas with you. you are a wish granted.

we love you more than rainbows.

love,

your mama.

2

hey kid - little boy. almost 2 year old. yah, you:

first time in a booster. ever. you're huge here.

you're almost two years old, and there are more and more moments each day where i see a little boy more than i see a baby. it is... sad. and amazing at the same time. you are coming into your own more and more. you surprise us everyday with something new - new words, a new expression, a new obsession. you are a big kid. a brother. you have a personality. it's weird.

you are silly. you are full, i mean like really full, of energy. when you run, your hair moves now. ya, you have hair. and we aren't cutting it. for a really long time. even though it's taking a turn for the mullet. (you're dad cut, what he says to be, a verry small amount off your bangs because you had this dangler of a strand and it actually got stuck in your eye. he didn't tell me. i noticed and kind of freaked out. well, really freaked out. then he told me the story. and lucky for him (and his you know what) he kept the strand he cut and i got a grip. you'll learn this about me. i need to get a "grip" at leeeeeeeast once a week day.)

you are passionate. aka - you scream a lot. and i know you do it to annoy me. it really annoys me. i turn into a giant red button when you do it and you push me, hard. verrrry hard sometimes.

we're learning a lot together these days. this maternity leave has meant more for you and i then it has for your sister and i sometimes. we needed this time together. like, bad. i missed you, kid. really missed you. and i'm in love with all things "hyatt" - that's how you say your name right now. your little language is better than hot brownies with ice-cream. water is "halo", "meal man" is milk man, "ali" is for ali du and maddie, "mama" is for me and gramma, "mommy" is for me and grammy. i'm your translator. "cacton" is paxton. "kaaaa" is car. "bean" is ben. i could go on and on.

you're almost 2. two. years. two years old. i'm getting my head around this so i am not a basket case on your actual birthday. i think i am going to be like this every year around this time. even when you're about to turn 50 and i am an old hag celebrating my 80th the week prior. i think you were born a week after my birthday to take the pressure off me getting older. i kind of look right past my old ass taking on another candle and hone in on yours. with me?

you're more than with me. you're stuck with me. like white on rice. (rice - another fave of yours these days.)

xoxo, times infinity.

toddler book review

we are into books around here, big time. i want to remember the books our little guy is loving these days not only to pass onto so many of my fave mama's but also so we have these books around when our kiddos have kiddos. my mom kept our favorite books and passed them down to wyatt and we'll pass them on to trev/cam's future kids and our future grandkids!

here's my breakdown, all easily searchable on amazon!

Goodnight Moon - this one is a no brainer for most. i will tell you, when i first started reading books to wyatt, i DID NOT get this book at all. wyatt could care less. until he noticed the red balloon. then he noticed the hot fire. then the moon. oh, the moon. that's where we are today. he has to point the moon out on each page, along with the balloon and fire. i'm waiting for him to notice that creepy "old lady whispering hush"...

Happy Baby ABC's - this book was an early fave, and continues to be. i think it has to do with the balloon (weird -- such a crazy balloon fetish!) and car towards the end. he loves pointing at the different pictures so i can tell him what everything is. he's getting better about telling me now!

On the Night You Were Born - this might be more of my favorite than his... i absolutely love the story and it makes me cry everytime we read it together. such a sweet book and such amazing pictures. and of course, there's a moon on every page. obsession fed.

The Best Mouse Cookie - this is a new favorite. we just discovered this book on his book shelf, as it was passed down from unky Cam. this used to be one of his favorite books and now, due to wyatt's new cookie craze, it's one of his too!

Roadwork - probably his all time fave book right now. we read this every day before nap and bedtime. when we mention nap or bed time, he will say "ro-wuk" 100 times just to ensure we know this must be read. love how he says it. adorbs. there is also a moon on one of the pages.

I am a Puppy - this is also a new favorite. This is actually Trevor's book and it was saved and passed down by my mom, forest green magic marked up pages and all (thanks to me!). it's about a little sweet beagle and it reminds us of snoopy. pretty perfect.

Go Tractor, Go - this was a gift when i was pregnant with wyatt and i have no recollection who it's from. it came with a little john deere tractor and wyatt loves it. it's one of his first favorite books and it was the first book he could say. "gotujfksflgo!"

Thomas Pop Up - this book came from my dad last christmas and probably shouldn't be man handled by a 22 month old quite yet. we read this to him and hold it for him. it makes noises with each pages pop up and he calls it the "choo choo" book and pushes his lips out really far when he says it. love love love. never want to forget that face.

Little Blue Truck - such a cute book with such a sweet story - help your neighbors is the jist and it's got the cutest pictures. so sweet. one of wyatt's first words was "stuck", along with "truck" and in this book a truck gets stuck. how awesome is that. he loves it. i love reading it to him more though i think.

enjoy!

what's your favorite book to read to your kiddos?!

sweat is the new black >> newborn / family photo shoot

i have noticed i talk about sweating a lot lately since having a second baby. holy cow, is that all i do anymore, or what? i sweat all day long. and all night long. i am sure i smell devine. oddly enough, it seems my baby likes me no matter what. actually, the stinkier the better i think.

when summer was 8 days old, we had our first family photo shoot. we had to turn the heat up in our house to 80 degrees. and it was muggy as shit outside. and misty. great for the hair. not.

here are a few of our favorites and seriously, if you are local, you have to check out One Tree Photography. we love jessica so much. she has been my bump and birth photographer for both sweet kiddos.

life with two

with each passing minute, hour, day, and week things get better. easier. life with two is everything i had hoped it would be. it's also everything i had feared.

it is hard. plain and simple. 

of course, we are so amazingly lucky to have these two amazing life changers. we're blessed. period.

this post is going to be about the god's honest truth. removing rose colored glasses in 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. 

this week started off r o u g h. i had a low mom moment monday afternoon. keeping my patience has really been my one and only goal the past 5 weeks. and i've done really damn good. except for monday afternoon and maybe two other times the week before last. here's the thing - this is all really good for me. spending time alone with both kids is the hardest work i've ever done in my life. in order to make one child happy, it seems it is at the expense of the other. always. lord help me until the day i can actually make them both happy. like really content and thrilled with life, at the same time. right now, keeping them both "happy" is me walking around with an infant hanging off my boob orangutang style while playing ring around the rosie with the other. i'm constantly back and forth between kids - popping a binky into sj's mouth, while cramming string cheese into wyatt's. or restarting the vivrator on sj's  bouncy in our room while singing wheels on the bus with wyatt while he plays with cars in the bathtub.  or my personal favorite (insert sarcasm here), bouncing sj in her bouncy on the island (safe) while browning hamburger on the stove top (back burner), while allowing my son to push every riding car he has out our back slider. 

#whaterverworks #thenewnormal 

the hardest part about it all is remembering i'm still a good mom. a great mom. i love my family and i am doing the best i can. kind of my new matra. even on the hardest of days. even on monday. i may have had a low moment, but i worked my butt off that day to love my kids, keep my sanity, and keep an orderly house. (an orderly house? who am i right now?)

it's about the little moments now with two. the moments where i catch wyatt being so sweet and so gentle with his sister. the moments i know how much he loves her. when i see little flashes of life ahead to times where i know i'll see them protect one another. you see, i gave them such an amazing gift. each other. siblings understand you in a way no one else can. they understand what makes you tick before you even know what that means. they know you before you know yourself. they are always there for you. no matter what. even when you hate each other, you love each other. 

i caught wyatt stealing sweet kisses from his sister and i thought my heart would explode. i know there are so many moments ahead where i feel real pride for my littles. this is only the beginning. 

to say that the work is worth it would be yet another one of my gigantic understatements of a lifetime. 

#welcometomyworld

dear summer >> happy one month, toots!

hi sweet girl - you are already one month, and i am dying over how quickly it's gone by. wowza. you are  growing so much everyday. there are so many things about this last month i want to cherish and remember for ever.

you're smiles. dang girl - you started stealing hearts with these bad boys super early but now it seems like you smile on command. it can't be gas. you are a happy baby and you started letting the world know about 2 weeks ago!

you are so easy to calm. of course you have your moments but for the most part, as long as you are swaddled and being shushed, you stop crying and conk out. you definitely like to be upright. you are bright eyed and observant.

you might just end up to be a thumbsucker. you have found it a few times, and i feel like you find your hands and fingers pretty quickly for being so little.

i'm loving how quickly you are chunking up. your little legs are getting rolly and your arms are just like mine were when i was a babe.

you are a mama's girl. of course you love your daddy, but i love these early days because i have the boobs and i know you always want to be around me. i will take it because i know some day, when you are older you will want me out of your business. not so fast sweet girl, mama is here to stay! i can't wait to remind both you and your big brother how much you loved my boobs when you were babies. kidding. kind of. i might have to whip that out for a reaction some day around your friends if you are pushing my buttons!

your sweet soft little perfect head is something i want to cherish forever. i love how soft and warm it always seems to be. the fuzziness of your hair and how you love to be soothed when i brush your hair forward with my hands, or brush over your brows and nose to get you to fall asleep.

i love your linty fingers. not sure why, but guessing it has a lot to do with my picking infatuation. i can pick your linty fingers and know i am not hurting you!

i never want to forget your serious poop face. and the fact that you work pretty hard to "bear down" to get everything out. you definitely don't have any problems in the "poop up my back and into my hair line" department. you go girl.

i love that you aren't a projectile barfer. at least for the most part. we've only had a few explosions and honestly i think it's a number two thing. i have learned to not overfeed my baby and i don't forget to burp you like i might have done with your brother. learning everyday here.

mostly, i just love you and your sweet presence in our family. knowing that you're ours and having so much to look forward to as you continue to grow and learn makes my heart full. you are amazing and beautiful. perfect in every way. you complete our family and even after only a month, it's like you've always been here.

love you little girl. we'll keep you.

your mama.

tag team, back again

we had a pretty gutsy last weekend of summer. i mean, having two kids and going anywhere is pretty much the biggest feat there is outside of child birth. and can i just say, this whole concept of being superwoman at child birth doesn't AT ALL compete with how gigantic my cape is when i am alone with both kids, around 5pm - making dinner amidst feeding a toddler, bouncing and tending to a newborn, and then cleaning up after dinner and bathing said toddler. the 5-7pm window is pretty much crazy town around these parts. and i've never wanted to shout GO ME any louder than the first (and maybe only) time i've done it. holy balls, that's some work right there. and really - what in the h did i have to "complain" about with one. if i could slap myself back in time i would.

perspective is a good thing. damn. gina.

ok, back to our weekend of gutsiness. three words: evergreen state fair. we tag teamed fo sho - ty had wyatt, i had summer and we did the fair. as best we could. with the dumond's - thank the lord. having another family to go with does make you feel like less of a sweaty mess, that's for sure. as if saturday's events weren't brave enough, we decided to take both kids to kirkland to the park.

sounds easy enough.

um. yah. no.

there was no parking.

so we parked up a big ass hill. in front of some rich person's house. i kept imagining them watching us unload as if we were their guests. at one point, i even joked and pretend yelled up to their window that we'd be back in an hour for dinner.

wyatt was in the bob. and thank god the brake on that bad boy worked. because if it didn't our kid would be heading to heaven right about now. think: christmas vacation sled scene.

i sweated my balls off trying to get SJ into her solly baby wrap. she hated it. i hated it too. who in their right mind would enjoy themselves in 80 degrees with a sweaty ball of fire strapped to your chest as you brace yourself in rickity flip flops down a hill made only for someone wearing a helmet and shin/knee/elbow guards?

there were a shit ton of bees. and they loved something about me - my perfume, the striped wrap. god knows, but i am sure i entertained those around me as i swiped the air around me vigorously too many times to count.

i had to nurse SJ there. and the only shaded spot was on a bench right next to the most visited public garbage can. and i had the solly wrap on, and did my best to navigate a swaddle blanket to cover my nip but about 45 seconds in i gave up and said f it. nipple, meet the breeze. and the eyes of a few perverted dudes. after more bee visits, i awkwardly carried my bobble head of a newborn and pushed a top heavy bob stroller up a grassy knoll while ty did his best to chase wyatt around the busy park on the water.

wyatt pooped. and we had no diapers. who in the eff has two kids in diapers and doesn't have one in their diaper bag. so ty had to run, carrying wyatt, back up that giant hill in 80 degrees to change him in the car. the whole time, i waited with SJ as she screamed her full head off as i tried yet again to get her back in the wrap. the girl was not having it.

so just as ty was getting back, we pretty much turned around. and i was that mom carrying her baby while wearing a worthless wrap. ty and i were sweating ridiculous amounts and both kids were in tears as we made our way to the car. i am sure ty wanted to cry too. i sure as hell did.

fun for all.

but the good news is this - we did it. we still got out of the house and took our kids to the dang park. go us.

and we captured a few pics that made the whole event look down right easy too.

my first

there's something about your first baby, and i know that now. of course there is something about your second too - and i'm sure your third, fourth and fifth if you are so lucky (or crazy - whichever you prefer). but my first made me a mama. wyatt has paved the way and shaped me into the person i am today, the mom i always wanted to be. i know this now, more than ever. he brought new meaning to an already pretty amazing life - making it amaze balls, you know, the infinity of amazing. he's my "big kid" now. a big boy. and it really feels like it just happened overnight. maybe because it did. on august 6th, he was the only baby i knew. my little guy. my bambino. my monkey. on august 7th, he was brand new to me again. he was bright eyed, and more ready than i knew to be a big brother. i will never forget that moment where he saw his sister for the first time. the moment that defined our family of four. this meeting made it real. and oh how sweet it was. and it's already been (2 days shy of) 3 weeks, and the excitement he has and the love he shows to summer is just as fresh as it was that first moment. i know that when these two have their tough moments over the years, i'll look back on that first morning where it was us, on the bed. me holding both my littles, while ty took pictures and videos of this time we had imagined for the 10 months prior. i'll remember my heart. and how full it was. how i had never seen that smile on wyatt's face before. and at the same time, i knew mine had never been bigger or more real. i was so proud. i didn't care that i had slept for an hour, or that my whole body ached from awkwardly pushing my girl out in the bath tub only 6 hours before. or how my lady parts felt elephantitis-ish. or that my hair looked like dreads. or that my gut was out - loud and proud. or that i hadn't brushed my teeth for well over 24 hours. none of that mattered because i had my sweet boy, my little lady, and a husband that is a true partner - in every sense of the word.

i've had about 21 days to take this all in, and i feel like i'll need the next 21 years to digest this life we've created. i feel like nothing really reminds you of how fast times goes until you have kids. the change in them every day is this constant reminder to cherish every stage of their life because before you know it, they don't need you (like this) anymore.

i'm a sappy mama tonight, who loves her life and... who hasn't taken her placenta pills. i'm grateful to be here, living and soaking this time in. today was a good day, despite the every two hour wake up calls last night. it's funny how us mamas just learn to rally, isn't it? (i try very hard to not think about the fact that i probably won't get a full night of uninterrupted sleep for most likely another year.)

we're adjusting, and seeing giant strides in our big kid's ability to show love to his sister without literally strangling or suffocating her. which allows me to breath a huge sigh of relief, knowing that what every one keeps telling me has to be true:

it gets better.