i, like so many of you, are reflecting today. i try hard to be thankful for this life i have, and the people who make it so incredibly great, every day. i am blessed. i am lucky. i try hard to foster my relationships, be a good friend, wife, and mama. i am not the best, and i am not perfect. by any means. but i do appreciate so much of what i've been given. the good, and even the bad. i am thankful for lessons and for the people that make an imprint on my life - old friends and new ones. those that are still in my life, those that are not. today, i am thankful for my family - the one i've built with my love. 

ty, i thank you today honey. for being you. for loving me. putting up with me everyday. for laughing with me, and at me. for never letting me take myself too seriously. for giving me the most perfect babies. our center. our hearts. our world. you are the most incredible dad to our kids. KIDS! WTH!? you bbq like a son of a gun, you build baby gadgets and gizmos in record time, you mix a mean cocktail, and you definitely know how to have your way with a plunger. you are the most patient, positive, genuine person i know. you remind me to love life, have fun, let loose, and calm down. i love watching you teach wyatt how to do the same. (that's what you get for surrounding yourself with hot tempered scorpios!) thank you for always supporting me. for cheering me on, and reminding me what i am capable of doing. you are my perfect match, and you love me more than you should sometimes. i know i can be a crazy bitch, but this crazy bitch loves you more than i know how to show most of the time. you teach me to love better, and be better everyday. happy thanksgiving, stud.

my sweet kiddos, you guys are everything. you are the mascots of our family - of love. you give me purpose and challenge the heck out of me - hourly. you remind me how strong i am. it's been you two all along -the kids i've dreamed about loving until it hurts. i promise to love you, teach you, trust you, empower you, and obsess over you until i am ashes on your mantles. cool? happy turkey day, turkeys.

and to you, my sweet friends. this life is so amazingly sweet because of you. because without you, the people that love me for me, call me out, stand me up, cheer me on, laugh and cry with me, i'd be a pretty boring chick. i love letting my freak flag fly high with each of you, knowing you'll only love me for it.

giving thanks today, & everyday.

jordan

clarity.

this maternity leave has really been life changing for me. i've had this time with my two littles that has done this mama wonders. it's been the most rewarding, most challenging, hardest but most incredible time for me. i went into this time not quite sure what to expect to be honest. i'm coming out with new perspective (duh) and a completely new appreciation for stay at home mamas. this job is a test of patience i never experienced. and the return on investment, in terms of my time at home, really is priceless. the impact being home has had on our transition to a family of 4 has been huge. i can see it in my little guy - the joy on his face every day when he realizes i am home too when he wakes up melts me. to be here, every day when he wakes up is so special. it might sound so trivial to some, but you working moms know exactly what i mean. those of you that can't always be home in the morning to greet your babes with a squeeze, a kiss and a cup of "hot buk" (aka hot milk) know exactly how special this time is. i was the mom that had to rush out the door by 6 am in order to miss traffic and get on a call while on the road, and then into the office in time for another call at 7am. i was the mom that tiptoed through the house hoping not to see my son because, selfishly, it would be too upsetting for me to know i'd have to leave for the day before getting any quality time in with him. we've always been extremely lucky though. ty was always here when wyatt woke up. he had one of us here everyday when he woke up. (i worked from home on friday's just so i could see his little face in the morning and be the one to change his diaper and wipe his snotty nose before breakfast. i always loved and appreciated that more than words.) i was the mom that rarely stayed home with him if he was sick because it wouldn't be until i was already at work that we'd know something was up with him. ty was always the one rearranging his schedule to be home with him. before i went back to work after having wyatt, ty and i came up with a plan that worked for us. we knew we wanted him to be with us more days a week than he was with anyone else - whether that be my MIL or preschool. ty was with him on mondays, my MIL was here tue-thur and i was with him friday afternoons. 4 days with us, three with my MIL. today, he is with us 4 days and at school 3 days. i'm glad we've stuck to this plan. it makes me feel balanced knowing that his time during the day is split between a place he can be socialized and taught and developed and our home.

it's almost been 4 months since i started my leave. and this time has been hands down, the best, investment i've made for our family. i wouldn't give this time back for anything. and i'll never ever regret taking more than the "standard" time off with our kids.

kids. still getting used to that, 4 months in.

dear sj >> 3 months flew

hi my sweet - holy smokes, did three months fly by. you are a dream come true, that is for sure.

my biggest takeaway from your third month is that you are such a happy baby. you smile constantly. you cry too, but you smile more than your brother did at this age. wyatt's expression of choice was scowl most of his first 4 months. you on the other hand, light us up with dimple filled grins. i still love wearing you. you fight me sometimes, but once i get you in a position where you can still watch what's going on around you, and fall asleep on your own terms, we're usually good to go.

we had our first plane trip together this month, and you did awesome. we went to visit the bowen's in KC and it was so much fun. you proved to be a resilient little thing. thank you for that. the plane trips, the time change, the new environment, and screaming toddlers on our flight home - you rocked it, girl.

your perfect. we love you more than words could ever tell you. i'm going to spend the rest of my life doing all i can to show you. and maybe in return, you'll let me put mascara on these lashes someday.

dear wyatt >> happy birthday, love

today marks the day, two years ago, that this life started. you're life gave mine a kick start i didn't know i needed. i knew how badly i wanted to be a mom, but never did i know how badly i needed to be a mom. i've told you this before and i'll keep telling you - you give me purpose, kid. real purpose. you gave me purpose the moment i kissed those cold cheeks two years ago at 7:21 pm. you gave me purpose during those mid night feedings, ball bouncing sessions, and mustard shit blow outs. this past year you transitioned into a little boy. exactly one year ago, you were still a baby. barely walking, bald as can be, and saying 'truck' here and there. today, not only do you walk like a champ, you freaking RUN everywhere. you have hair - more hair than some like to see on a two year old boy. sue me. and you talk - a LOT. you attempt every word spoken to you and you practically speak in sentences now. you even pretend to talk like your daddy and i do. you pretend to talk on the phone. you interrupt us if we talk without including you. you constantly seek affirmations from us - especially if you see a car that looks like someone's you know (it's actually scary how often you spot cars of the same make and model, even year - but in different colors) - "daddy caaa!" gets increasingly more aggressive until we acknowledge that yes, you indeed do see a car just like daddy's.

you seem to love your life. you seem happy. of course you can't tell me yet how much, but i know you do. i know you love your family. us, your sister, your grandparents, your great grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your best friends. 

today we spent the morning celebrating your first day of 2s at the seattle children's museum. you've never been before and boy were you ready for all it had to offer. you owned that place, exploring every corner, literally turning every rock. you ran like a mad man, your hair blowing in the wind behind you. i felt proud watching your curiosity take over. you're so smart. and you have this understated spirit that consumes me.

i think the love we feel for you overwhelms us at times. it's hard to describe how we feel about you and honestly, as you get older i get worse at it. i feel more overwhelmed at the thought of how big my heart is for you because every day it stretches and grows and takes me over. i look back on that instant love i felt for you the day we met, and i realize that it was really only a tiny itty bitty particle of what was to come. today, this love is so big, there really are no words to do it justice. 

you are my heart. you represent everything that matters to me. you make me better. you own me. 

happy birthday, sweet boy.