It was right after I posted my last post, about date night, that I took a pregnancy test with Ty. I wrote that post to kill time, as I waited to hear him walk through the front door, with the tests in hand. We debated on taking it after date night, for obvious reasons. Wouldn't it be better to have one more night out that included wine? But I couldn't wait. There's something about a pregnancy test. You see one, and you just have to pee on it immediately. Whether I was or wasn't, it would be good for us to use the time to process whatever the results were. We'd been working on a third baby for the last several months. I'd seen a few negative tests over the past 6 months, but it wasn't until the summer that we decided to get serious. I knew that if I saw a negative test this time, I'd be bummed. I just felt it in my gut that I was. I wasn't technically late yet, so the only thing I relied on was that did everything we could to get pregnant that cycle. Ty and I looked at each other and got pregnant with Wyatt and Summer. It took no effort whatsoever. This time around was different.
Ty barely got his coat off before I was frantically unwrapping the test and getting myself situated in the bathroom downstairs. I peed. We waited. It looked like it was going to be negative, so I walked out and handed it to him alluding to that. "So weird. It looks negative. I'm surprised." He took it back into the bathroom and set it on the counter and by the time he did that, the plus sign was appearing. It was most definitely a positive. And it was no different this time around. We were shocked. It worked. We made a baby. The next few hours were surreal and we just looked at each other and laughed most of our dinner, dying over the fact that were doing this again. How much fun it was going to be to watch the kids do this with us. Having them be apart of this next chapter was, and still is, the icing on the cake.
At exactly 6 weeks pregnant, I immediately felt like shit. I was so sick until about 17 or 18 weeks, and truly didn't feel the second trimester relief until around 22 weeks. I had all day sickness and while I was so relieved to have such obvious symptoms, it also plain sucked. I learned it's ok to feel shitty and gratitude simultaneously. I wasn't this sick with Wyatt or Summer, and heard from many that the hormones just take over a little more with each pregnancy and the sickness can be worse with each one. That was definitely my case.
We heard the heartbeat on Wyatt's birthday, and that night we told the kids, with our family there as witness, the big news. This news was standing in the way of Wyatt and his birthday gifts, so needless to say it was onto the next thing pretty quickly after it was shared. We had our first ultrasound on November 15th, and saw a real baby in there, making the sickness feel even more worth it all. I felt little flutters on Christmas, and felt legit baby movement on New Year's Eve. On January 10th at 10am we had our 20 week ultrasound, and looked away when Dawn (only the best tech ever!) scanned for the gender. Ty felt a real kick for the first time when we celebrated his birthday with a little staycation on January 26th.
I've really tried to stay in a positive headspace this pregnancy. There is something about knowing it's the last time, for real, that I'll be pregnant. I'm trying to be easier on myself about body image stuff. I eat what I want and I don't think much of it. Now at 29 weeks (tomorrow), I can truly say I love the way I'm looking and feeling. The babe moves constantly which is so reassuring. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this birth, which we plan to do at home this time given we had really straightforward experiences at the birth center with both Wyatt and Summer. I'd rather just stick home and do my thing, vs. get in the car to hop into a tub just like the one we have at home. I've been practicing some hypnobirthing techniques which I think will help me stay and feel more in control this time. I felt anything but in control when I had Summer, and I really want to focus on having a labor more like Wyatt's this time. Focused, calm, in control, and confident are all things I long to feel this time.
We really have no idea what to expect when this baby arrives but we already know there's room in our hearts for one more little person to love and learn from. Here's to the next three months of finding balance in knowing change is coming, while enjoying things exactly as they are for just a bit longer.