7 Days

a week ago ty and i were driving to the birth center because my contractions had completely vanished after a night of laboring on my own. i knew that we'd be meeting our baby soon, but i was focused only on getting things moving. later that day, when we took that drive again, in between intense contractions, i realized we would be meeting our baby boy soon. i looked over at ty for the first and only time during that drive and started crying as i voiced this incredibly powerful realization - "we are meeting our baby today". as quickly as the moment came, it passed, as i returned to the place inside myself that got me through each and every contraction until he came into this world. there is so much i want to write about that day - about our birth story. but i am going to wait on that.

this week has been the most amazing week of my life. i had no idea what this love would actually feel like. i still don't have the words to describe it. what i can say is this: my heart is so full of love for this new life - our life, my family - that i feel like it could burst out of my chest. i can't help but feel a new love for my husband. seeing him as a father is fascinating to me. he is such a natural. he loves his son so much. the way he talks to him, holds him, looks at him, smells him, calms him melts me. from our very first night, he's found his own little ways of doing things with him - things i would never think to do... his own "daddy" things that are his. for instance, he does what he calls the "simba" with him. he holds him up like he is the lion king, showing off his new cub. he will do this over and over again and he instantly calms down. he also does this little trick with the yoga ball that i would have never thought of on my own. someone gave me really great advice that i am so glad i've taken - let ty be the dad. you be the mom. don't tell ty what to do or how to do things. he'll do things differently then you, and he should. it was the best advice ever. watching ty establish his relationship with wyatt is so special. he is such an amazing father and i am not surprised. what i am surprised by is how much more i love my husband. our relationship has grown and evolved since we met, but the moment i saw him with his son, we were on a completely new playing field. i love my husband more than i ever thought i could.

which brings me to this love i feel for my son. people tell you that you will feel a love so powerful for your baby that you've never felt before. they are right. there are no words. i would give up anything for this boy. i am obsessed with him. his smell, his eyes, his hands, head, face, cheeks -- even his cries, his dirty diapers. today, we are obsessed with his nostrils. we have no idea where he got this little nose of his. it's not mine and it's not ty's... every thing else is ty's. except for his hair - that's from me. (i'll take what i can get.)

some other realizations this week:

• breastfeeding is hard. but we are getting there. it hurts. but it's worth it.
• sleep is overrated. 
• eating isn't a priority. 
• i almost like my body more now than i did before i was pregnant. so weird, but my stomach actually looks better to me now, than it did pre-pregnancy. this is weird, shocking, and totally not what i expected.
• i totally get my mom now. there have been some pretty good "ah-ha" moments. i am sure this will deserve it's very own blog post soon. 
• i can't over-commit anymore. that hit me yesterday. it's been a week and ty and are just now having our first day, just the three of us. advice for you future mom's which i wish someone gave to me: bond as a family unit the first week, or two - or three. how ever long you need. so much goes on these first few days - new feelings, emotions, patterns, challenges, pressures. give yourself and your family time to adjust. people will understand. and if they don't - you won't have time to care. 

every day is so new - new challenges, new wins and a stronger, more powerful love.

now, it's time to get back to a face i can't get enough of... and a smell that i could sink my nose into for the rest of my life. this poor kid.

this is wyatt, as we speak. sleeping soundly in the 

best gift we got - our vibrating pack n' play.