well little mister, we had our first national tragedy since you were born this last weekend. another reminder of how fragile this life is, and how every day is one giant blessing. we've experienced some pretty horrific things over the years, and i know, as sad as it is to admit, this one won't be the last. you have to know, that even though these absolutely insanely sad things happen across the globe, this world is also a wonderful and beautiful place. it's important to me that you grow up wearing a few different pairs of glasses - a couple of different styles that will sit beside your rose colored aviators. you'll experience moments in your life where you will feel blessed beyond words, searching for a new amazing word to describe just how happy you are. but you'll get thrown for a loop here and there sometimes too, wondering why and how. it's a lesson i am not looking forward to you learning, sweet boy. but it's the reality in which we live in.
it was different this time. watching the news and the heartbreak that came along with the movie theatre shooting in colorado, took me to a place i've barely let myself go to since you were born. i teeter on the edge of picturing life without you because my heart simply can't take the thought. but as i watched those parents share the stories that came along with losing their children, i couldn't help but empathize in a way i never had before. i felt a part of my heart break for them on friday night. i just watched them, wondering how they could even find words to speak knowing they would never see their child again. how that hurt would just take me over and how i'd want to hide under a rock and never come out. it was just another reminder of how this crazy love we feel for you is more powerful, intense, and protective than we could have imagined.
as much as i wish i could put you in a bubble and push you around with me everywhere i go, just to protect you from the outside, i know that i can't let my crazy take over. the scary things will happen, and as much as i want to protect you and keep you from all of things around us that we simply can't control, i want you to live and love life.
i want you to tell your story.
even if that means adding a few chapters in there for me... perhaps one called "my mom froze time" and "i now have a micro-chip".
deal?
Your blog is great Jordan...I look forward to reading more, we found out a couple weeks ago that we're pregnant and am due Dec 31st so I can already tell your stories are going to give me a little advice, laughter and a sense I'm not alone in this raising a kid situation since its my first ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks and you're family is truly beautiful!