dear sj >> a look back to your birthday

hello my girl.

we just received all of the images from your birthday. there are so so so many that i love, but want to share a few here that are especially special to me. (jessica at one tree did a post and put together the most amazing slide/video show of this amazing day here as well.) i want you to know what i love most about the images that capture just how special your entrance into this world really was. i love having these for so many reasons but most of all, i can't wait until the day you see these, really see these, and know just how hard i worked to get you here. it was worth all of the struggle you might see, because sweet girl, your birth was everything it was supposed to be.

(you can double click on the image to see it larger if you'd like)

i love everything about the birth center where you were born. i love the way it smells when you walk in, the comfort of the lobby, the feeling of family that wraps around you the moment you sit down for an appointment. the first thing i did when i got to one of our appointments was take my shoes off and curl my feet under me on chris' couch. it's warm there. the picture of me above in the tub, with the candles behind me and reflecting on the tub reminds me of just how warm i felt on your birthday. the love and the light in that room was perfection.

i love every picture of your daddy. this one especially because i know how hard this part was on me - but this picture tells me just how hard it was on your sweet daddy too. at one point i snapped at him as i panicked my way through a contraction. the poor guy. but he stuck with me - like he always has and will. he let me squeeze his hand so tightly i hurt myself as i gripped it. he would squeeze my hand back, and it was the gesture i needed from him - the one that told me i was doing a good job and that i could do it. that i was doing it and that he was right there with me.

i love the pictures of your gramma and i. i know from last time, just how hard this was for her to watch when wyatt was born. she was so much stronger this time. she was strong for me. she knew i could do it when i doubted myself the most. she held my hand with both hands - and i always knew when it was her holding my hand. she's held my hand my whole life. i am always comforted by her sweet touch - she's my mama. i especially love this picture because i look like such a little girl, so it's fitting that it's her looking over me. she looks so confident here. she isn't worried, or scared. she believes in me.

just two weeks prior, your auntie and i were in the same place, just opposite positions. i watched as she brought sweet tate tate bean into the world. he slept in his little bouncy just feet away while she comforted me and cheered me on. i couldn't have done it without her and looking back now, i should have known it would work out the way it did all along. of course we'd have you two kiddos exactly two weeks apart - just the right amount of time we needed in between these two incredibly special and emotional events.

my daddy. he made it. the look on his face in this picture really says it all. he's so proud to be there. he's so happy. his presence was exactly the motivation i needed to get me to home plate. i will absolutely never forget the relief i felt the moment i heard my mom tell me he was there. definitely one of the best moments of my life, period.

kristin - my absolutely amazing doula. holy shit. what would i have done without her? i love this picture so so so much. she loves you sweet girl - she is an absolute angel. she pretty much rocks at her job, plain and simple. i hope she's still doing this when it's your turn chick. i really can't find the words to describe what this woman means to me. hands down, the best investment i've ever made because in the end, she wasn't "just a doula" - she's a lifelong friend. you will know this amazing woman.

chris, our midwife, has the softest hands. i mean, really - again, with the warmth in this place, she's the reason why. i remember this moment all too well. i was at the height of my panicked state here. i was in the most uncomfortable position i had been in. and i was scared. the heat of her hand shot through me. it reminded me that i wasn't alone and when i saw that jessica captured this i think i lost my breath. chris was there for wyatt's birth and she made a point to be there for yours. we were so lucky to have her because chick, this team of ours was irreplaceable.

i love that jessica captured our early moments together without me even realizing she was there. i don't know how she did it, but she did. i love this one so much. you felt so tiny, and you were the best distraction for me in this moment as i was getting "stitched up" and it was anything but cozy until i had you in my arms again.

these pictures of the four of us in the bed - you and me, auntie and tate. we had talked about this moment for many months - 9 to be exact. who would go into labor first, what would you two sweet babes look like, what would it feel like to each have you in our arms knowing that labor was over and together we could step into this next phase together? this was it. we were both done. we both did it. you were both here. it was the best feeling in the world to know that the moments we had talked about and dreamed about were here and we were still us - silly and happy. mamas. proud mamas.

sweetest girl - your birthday was so special. it was perfect. just like you are. thank you for making me work hard for you, for setting the stage for one of the best relationships i'll ever have.