calling all working mamas. this chick is having a hard night and i need to hear from you. tell me it's going to be ok. tell me it's not as bad as i think it's going to be. tell me i will survive. tell me my baby is going to be just fine with three bottle feedings per day while i'm at work. tell me what i want to hear - but tell me the truth. i know it's going to be fine. i know wyatt is going to be MORE than fine. but i'm on the dark side tonight and while i can usually see the bright side just fine, tonight's another story. i know he'll be happy in the hands other people that love him. but i'm the mom. no one will ever love him like i do.
i see all of these stay-at-home mom blogs. and i love them. i'm obsessed with them really. like this one, and this one and this one... but where are the working mom blogs? you know, the one's where the moms who work also breast feed until age one, make their own baby food, and put their little one's in fuzzi bunz diapers? are these things still possible? i plan on doing two of those three things. (while i considered washable diapers, i couldn't imagine having my MIL worry about "my system" [put the diaper shells here, the inserts here, and don't forget to throw the liners here...] it just seemed like too much). i plan on breastfeeding as long as i can. and i plan on making my own baby food. i am not only planning on it, i want this for my baby. and if i want it, i will make it happen. but i am someone that looks to people for inspiration. super mom - are you out there?! send me tips. send me energy. send me peace.
i want it all. i want me time, marriage time, baby time, family time, friend time, etc. i know i can have it all but in smaller doses. i may have only added one element into my life 4 months ago, but that element is top priority. i make time for everything else because these things are important to me. balance is important to me. but here's the thing. four months ago, i swapped out one element for another - work for baby. things are different now. i've got this piece of my heart that i'll be leaving at home everyday. this little piece that's been with me everyday for over a year.
i wish i could bottle up wyatt's smell and take it to work with me. (even if i could do this i'd probably cry every time i opened up said bottle to take a whiff.) i wish i could stop time. (even if i could do this i'd probably only complain that i wish things would start moving again.) i wish i could go back to november 7th (you know, the day AFTER i pushed a baby out of my you-know-what... actually, i'd do it all over again tomorrow. best.birth.ever.) and do the last 4 months all over again.
i can say this: i enjoyed every second of my maternity leave. hey, pregnant friends: i've said this before and i will say this again. enjoy this time. the good and the not as good (because it's ALL good in the end) and promise me you will enjoy your time off with your baby. eat it up. drink it up.
and please, if you figure out a way to bottle it up, pass your trick on to me stat.
Aw I wish I was a working mom so that I could draw from my own experience and tell you it'll be okay. What I can say, is that I hear those feelings and understand them deeply. Balance is so hard when your love for your baby is such a strong force. You'll find it and make it great and he has a wonderful mama, the kind that worries and misses him and loves him this fiercely. You might be the very inspiration you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Mary. You are so cute. I needed this. :-)
Deletehey jordan... it gets easier, i promise. i sobbed like a baby for probably a week straight when i dropped him off for daycare, so don't feel guilty about your emotions. what i keep telling myself, and i know this is true, is that i need to understand the benefits he's getting from being away from me. it's really great that your kiddo will be ok with other people, he'll be ok with changing things up, he'll get new experiences, and he won't cling so hard to a specific schedule that is impossible to keep up. of course there are benefits to staying home too; but once i got to the point where i realized that i wanted to stay home for selfish reasons and that my child would be ok and thrive either way- i had a lot easier time dealing with it. just make the most of dinner, bath, and snuggle time at night! again, it will get easier...and on the plus side, you'll actually be able to afford college! ;-) good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Jamie. You are so thoughtful to comment here. And THANK YOU for the bright side. I know you are so right. Wyatt totally needs to know how to allow other people to soothe him. Ty and I are pretty dang good at it, but it will be nice to have someone else do their thing with him and see it work too. The reminders to just make the most of the time I do have with him really hit me. It's not always about the quantity, it's about the quality :-) Thanks again for your mama-advice. SO appreciated.
DeleteJordan, thank you for posting on this topic. I know Ashley told you our news, and I am so blessed to have read your birth story and found your blog. (BTW, major props for having Florence + The Machine playing - love her!) I can't even imagine what it will feel like to be returning to work after everything goes down. It seem so far off! :) But it is encouraging to know there will be other moms for me to talk to, like you, as I get to that stage and go through whatever I go through. Looking forward to chatting with you whenever you get settled in after your return. - Jude
ReplyDeleteJude! I am soooooo excited for you! You are going to be such an amazing mama. I can't wait to ride along your journey with you. Your comment was so sweet. Thank you so so so much!
DeleteUgh, I remember my first day back. I cried every time someone asked me how I was doing. I remember as the days drew closer to my first day back, dreading leaving my little one. Late night breastfeeding introduced me to the world of "mama blogs" and I was a bit envious of all those mamas who get to stay home (sometimes I still am!). And i am addicted to a few blogs of wonderfully talented, dedicated and creative mamas. But that's not my life. I have to work to pay that mortgage. Plus, I'm so darn proud of my career and truly love what I do for a living - a value and inspiration I hope to instill in my baby girl. It will get easier. You will work out a system. Make friends with your pump:) Bring something to work that smells like Wyatt - it will help you while you pump. When you start solids, make food in batches and freeze it. It's totally doable. I cloth diaper but my mom is a total hippy and she's the babysitter so I lucked out there...but most important, if you feel like it's too much, don't give yourself a hard time. Be real with yourself about what you can do without going crazy. Do what works for YOU. A working mom. A loving mom. I am so glad I came across your blog - I was beginning to think I was the only working mom who wants to do it all!!
ReplyDeleteMartina - Thank you SO much for your comment. I am so happy you came across my blog too. You made me feel so much better. Going back wasn't as bad as I expected. The anticipation was definitely a lot worse than the actual. I did fine on day one (I think the excitement of being back, seeing everyone and catching up distracted me for sure), but I cried for about an hour on Thursday. I know every day will be different. Again, I really appreciate you chiming in here. I especially love meeting new people that start reading my blog. I never really know who's reading what I'm putting out there! Have a great Sunday!
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