work it, girl

i did it. i went back to work. and guess what - it wasn't that bad. the anticipation of going back and leaving my little monkey was definitely a lot worse than the actual "going back" part. going back to work reminded me how much i love it. i am motivated by what i do and the people i work with are people i really like, and some i can even say i love. of course i missed wyatt, but he was with his daddy and if i got sad, it was simply because i missed him. i wasn't worried about him and i know the time he has with ty is so special. so many dads don't get to take some time off to be with their kiddo, so i am grateful that he does. and i know how much he is loving it. and... selfishly, i know he is also gaining some perspective into my world the last four months. it's not always rainbows and butterflies, that's for sure. (he even told me yesterday, "well, it's not as easy as i thought it was going to be. i give you props, babe.")

and like so many of you told me: balance is good for me. i need it. i am actually a better mama because of it. and, it's not about quantity, it's about quality. i totally appreciate my evenings with my family so much more. i also was more than happy to wake up throughout the night to feed the babe. i was excited to see him and i valued the time with him. after my first day back i came straight home and after an hour of practically suffocating him with kisses, he was exhausted - and so was i. we cozied up in our bed together and even though we slept, it was the quality time we needed after our first day away from each other.

advice for other mamas out there that haven't yet gone back, or will some day be in my same position:

• don't make your first day back at work the longest stretch you've ever been away from your little one. i had never been away from wyatt more than 4 hours. so the 10.5 hours away seemed like a lot, and it was. 
• show up at work when people are already there. i cried for an hour on day two because i showed up about 90 minutes before most of my team started getting there. it was too quiet and lonely and of course i started thinking about my boys at home.
• don't read texts or look at pictures or videos of your little one if you are feeling the least bit emotional. i did. such a bad idea. that's honestly what took me into my tail spin on thursday. 
• if you're nursing (a.k.a - boys reading, skip this as it's a little TMI), take the time to pump if you can (i know some jobs make it hard to do this, but if you own your schedule for the most part, block time off to do this each day). i am planning on pumping three times a day. i've learned it's better to pump more often for less time than less often for more time. i can pump for about 10 minutes at a time and so far, it's so worth it. (i'll feed wyatt before i leave for work, and immediately after i get home. he's only taking two bottles so i'm able to pump a little extra every day which is making me feel good about keeping my milk supply up.) 
• it's ok to tell people to not ask about your little one. they understand. and if they don't, oh well. it's better than your water works making things immediately awkward. (yes, this happened to me as well. someone i barely know asked me how i was doing in that "i feel really bad for you" tone and i started balling. fun.) 
• be prepared - it's hard to cram a full day of babe time into a few short hours in the evening. it's not the same. and if your sweet chickadee is anything like mine, the evenings can be "crabby time" around here. it was hard for me that first night to not take it personal. "he's cranky because i wasn't home today. he's cranky because he had bad naps and if i were home he would have slept better." it's not you. it's normal. there will be nights where you just don't see the smiley, laughy babe you missed all day. just as there were nights where they were in bed earlier than usual when you were home, they will do it when you are back at work too. especially if your little one is headed to day care. my mama friends who take their kiddos to day care have taught me a lot about this. they are so stimulated during the day that by the time they get home they are beyond pooped and in bed before the sun goes down. like, way before the sun goes down.

i am only working thursday and friday this week because ty has to travel for work. i am so glad that i get to be home with wyatt for the majority of this week and that i am easing my way back into work. working three days last week and two days this week has absolutely made going back easier. again, i love my employer. my boss is amazeballs. she gets it. thank god.

we had wyatt's 4 month appointment this week and it went great. he's weighing in at 14.8 lbs and is 27 inches long. he was 95th percentile for length, 30th for weight, and 70th for head. he got two shots - poor baby. but he handled them like a champ. the doc told us we could try cereal if we wanted (and because wyatt was showing some interest in food while ty and i ate in front of him) so we decided to give it a whirl tonight, and what a hit it was. with the first bite, wyatt mmm'd instantly. it was so freaking cute. he was totally into it. and i cried a little bit. weird.

this blog is shifting, i can tell. it's going to be about my little one, and my little family, but it's also going to be about the joys and struggles of being a working mom. i had a few new readers last week leave comments. i can't tell you guys how much i appreciate that. please, leave comments if you have advice or words of encouragement. they mean the world to me.