Date Night: Our Saving Grace

This past week Ty and I hit the 11 year mark since our very first date. Eleven years ago, our dates looked a lot different than they do now. Partly because we aren't in our mid-twenty's anymore, but also because Ohana's and Tialou's in Belltown shut their doors. Our dates were 3 or 4 nights out of the week, easy. We'd typically do a low key dinner out on Thursdays, Seattle bar hopping on Friday's and the downtown Kirkland scene on Saturday nights and easily into the wee hours of the morning. We'd drink, eat, drink, dance, and eat again to soak up all of the drinks. Hangovers were few and far between (for the most part), and we'd sleep in long enough to strum up the energy to hit the gym and do it all over again. Sure, there are times I look back on the fun we'd have being fun and fancy free, but I wouldn't call those the good old days. We had our youth, but were relatively broke (probably because of all that our social lives entailed - new outfits, big bar tabs maybe?), and our kidneys weren't our biggest fans. 

It dawned on us that it was September 16th, while we were out to dinner, just us, on a date. Date night for us is not out of the ordinary.  It's something we are super fortunate to get to do almost weekly. It's one of the, if not the reason we're still married. In the early days of our marriage, every night was date night. Our plans evolved into a lot of date nights in when we bought our first house, and we'd do a lot of week night trips to Thai food, sushi, and Mexican when we were too lazy to cook. When we had Wyatt, we took him with us everywhere that first year, and at around 6 months we had our first over night away for our 3 year wedding anniversary thanks to my mom. Ty's mom and my mom were our go to's back then (and still are!). We were your typical first time parents - not super trusting of just anyone watching our obviously very unique son. #sounique When Summer was born just 9 months after Wyatt's first birthday, we'd leave Wyatt behind and Summer was our third wheel. We'd still get out once a month or so, but again, it wasn't until she was about 6 months that we'd leave her back with Wyatt and hit the town. By 'hit the town' I mean we'd go to an early bird dinner within a 10 mile radius of the house. Still, we made it a priority because 'the grammas' made sure we took the time to invest in us. Thank God for them. When I look back on the early days with both Wyatt and Summer, it was hard to leave them at first. Mostly because we over analyzed the routine, and of course thought we were the only two people on the planet that could successfully pull off the bedtime routine. We were wrong. #reallywrong We learned quickly how lucky we were to have people around us that loved our kids. My brother and now sister in law, Rachel were also great sitters for us and I'd take every single one of their offers so I could eat dinner with Ty, without a baby on my boob. I'd take the time to get myself ready for our nights out, just to feel good about myself and in the moment. I may have dressed up black leggings with lip gloss, bronzer and curled hair, and I felt good about myself. It didn't take long before the kids were just as excited as we were, probably more, to leave. We were practically walked to the door before anyone showed up to watch them. We also found that the bedtime routine was quite a bit easier when we weren't home. Imagine that. #littleshits

As time went on, our kids' 21 month age gap shrunk in terms of developmental compatibility. They'd play together, watch movies and entertain each other for longer spans of time with each passing day. We'd found a couple of amazing babysitters that we could count on as well, and now we find ourselves sitting across a table from each other without any distractions, and absolutely zero guilt, 3-4 times a month. Thursday happy hours are a fave, where Ty and I will meet at a local spot at 5 and get home in time for his mom to drop the kids off so we can get them ready and tucked into bed. Those two hours tee up our weekend pretty perfectly. We get another 1 or 2 weekend date nights within the month, and typically find ourselves relatively close to home at a fun restaurant with live acoustic music and really great wine.  

These date nights for us are everything. Our weeks are long with work, commutes, after-work commitments, dinner, and bedtime routines. By the time our kids go to bed, our vocabulary is shot and our ability to hold a decent conversation is poor, at best. There was definitely a time where this had it's toll on us. Especially in the beginning. Our nights B.K. (Before Kids) involved only uninterrupted conversations, dinners out, dog walks, and workouts. We have accepted that our typical night now consist of chilling out. Sometimes we chill out together, sometimes we don't and that works for us. It works because in addition to all of the work and kid related routines we've fallen into, we've created another that's just for us. We're better parents because of this saving grace, when we can dream about the future, reminisce about the past and pretty simply, reconnect over how much we love this life we've created together. When we can pull ourselves up and out of the crazy chaos and realize that in fact, the good old days are right here, and right now.

I'm curious. What is your secret to keeping your marriage a priority?